The Longest Short Month

So is it the persistent gloomy weather or the hint of spring that makes February almost unbearably long. I don't even recall there being sweet relief of February Sweeps on tv to give glimmer of hope. Then again, life itself was dramatic enough this month that anything on television would likely pale in comparison.

Let's say that life is a sitcom, or in my case, a 50 minute long HBO show (because let's face it - NBC just isn't ready for 'shop talk') with a new episode airing weekly and I'll get 4 can't miss episodes for the month. This would be the time where we break out the big story arc, "kill off" characters, have our gimmicks and guest stars and end each ep with the ominous "to be continued..." My sweeps month would start something like...

I'm sitting on the couch with my feet up, dozing with a laptop on me (per the usual) when the phone rings (taking dramatic license here) with one of my counterparts asking me if I've checked my work email. Cut to the computer screen and see in big, bold words something to the effect of "Leader Meetings: Lay Offs" My phone would jingle the cute little blip of an incoming text message and the screen would say something about meeting at 9... Cue Theme Music (Though I must take an aside to state that I'm not sure how the theme credits to My Life as a TV Show would look these days.)

Everything here after, saving the details could be given in a synopsis ala TV Guide, but with spoilers because I really want you to know what happens (as people read this either out of morbid curiousity/boredom/to keep abreast of my doings)! So, after dramatic opening things would get rolling at a nice hum. Maybe a montage of me napping on the couch, in the chair, various places where I sleep during the day would be in order, especially to capture the epic 24 sleep I had after handing out layout notices.

Week one sweeps ep would be all about the immediate fallout of the lay off notices and revealing to the audience who go short envelopes and who did not, which would answer the question posed in the commercial advertising the week one ep. The subplot of the fate of Canyonero would continue with me having to wait yet another week to learn of my car's fate and going to Pekin for traffic court. The week would conclude with a guest appearance by folks from the Tech Center when I go out to booze it up for a night and get Tracy to comment about me "hanging out with old guys and lighting fires." I think that episode would end with me going home and sitting down in the chair and falling asleep (which for those who watch regularly know this is a common theme).

The President's Visit to HH would be our big gimmick episode with the guest star being the man himself there to tell us how he's going to Barack the economy back into shape. That episode would be all about sweeping the building with the secret service and sneaking in the area where the speech would be to take funny pictures. Week 2 would also reveal the fate of Canyonero 2.0 (totalled) and the introduction of El Convertibal! (or whatever new car shall be named). This would be a funny ep that showcases me giving car salesmen hell. It'd also show one of my former employees getting carted off by the secret service (true, but played up for comedic effect) and everyone's reaction to it. (On an aside this really happened and now, almost a month later, it's actually a really sad story but more about that later.) Fade out as I drive off into the clear night, listening to "Flashing Lights" by Kanye West in my new car, smiling that all the drama of January's car wreck is finally behind me and I'm getting back to some semblance of normalacy. (I'm also smiling because now that I'm not in the already-smoked-in-Chevy Cobalt, I have good reason to quit my brief return to smoking...Dunhills and Marlboros...this time the lights, in the hard pack. Yeah, immediately following the wreck I found myself driving around and smoking while listening to a lot of the The Smiths, Nirvana, and Cure...but I think I'm over this now.)


Week 3's ep is the Valentine's Day ep...it reintroduces a face from my past as my spur-of-the-moment V-day "date" and then follows us emailing back and forth for the next week, eventually going out on something that is decided at the evening to being a real date. In the middle of all that emailing is a slew of guest stars as I go back to my old place of work to visit for the day as well as a count down to departure of 'regular' cast members who are getting moved around due to our "deteriorating global economic conditions." But the...date, that's the big news. In a move that's surprised even me, I've found myself thinking of someone often and that's made this week go by at a snail's pace.

This brings us to now...week 4... I haven't quite figured out how to sum it all up, but I feel like there needs to be some sort of denouement for all of this, but for what. The week has been long because I've been antsy for the weekend, hoping to spend part of it with that boy who has the Death Star as the centerpiece on his dining room table. I've also felt wistful knowing that the relationship I've had with another person is changing and that all of that delicious sexual tension probably went away after that one morning in December (that was all just a dream, btw, it must have been - that's the only explanation) and now we're relegated to "just friends" (though some people are so awesome that to be relegated to such with them is a most exhalted honor...mm is one of those people). That was doused pretty much too when the mm overheard me cooing to death star boy on the phone. So cue the dramatic music...March comes the day after tomorrow.
How will it end? Stay tunes and find out next week on...