3-Alarm WakeUp


Friday morning was my third morning in a row of sleeping through my alarm clocks. That's correct-I used the plural form-because until Friday, I had two of them: a traditional one that plays loud music and makes a screeching noise next to my head and the alarms on my cellular phone. As how I'm easily distracted by shiny items (and the internet) between bouts of grooming, I've taken to setting the alarms so that I am up at least 90 minutes before I have to be somewhere or be departing for somewhere. This extra time has worked out well, seeing as how lately I've been sleeping at about an hour (sometimes more) through my alarm. I'm not even hitting the snooze button and rolling over. I flat out sleep right through it. Of course, seeing as how in my life, I've slept through three tornadoes and two earthquakes, it's really not surprising that power of an LG phone and a GE alarm clock are no match for the magnitude of my slumber. I did consider connecting a car battery to my bed to um, jump start (har har) my mornings, but instead I decided to get another alarm clock.

I purchased my second actual alarm clock at the charming (and by charming, I mean unreasonably dirty) Wal-Mart in Centralia (Land of Lincoln). The store is currently being remodeled (for once, it's dirty with a quasi-valid excuse) and apparently, after the changes have been made, there will be absolutely, positively no room whatsoever for alarm clocks. Ergo, I may be one of the last people to ever purchase an alarm clock in the history of Centralia Wal-Mart. What I fail to understand, though, is why alarm clocks? Of all the things this store may cease to carry, why did they decide alarm clocks. Aside from Big Lots, I can't think of any other place in town (Radio Shack is often too price prohibitive to be considered) where one may obtain this necessary item? However, what Centralia Wal-Mart lacks in alarm clocks, I'm sure they will be able to make up with in weird and paranoid stares. From the reaction my inquiry received, I apparently forgot to use my censored introduction and instead said something along the lines of (while not wearing pants?) "Hello, I am from Mars. I require an alarm clock to rouse me from deep sleep and help my ship return to Mars." I guess next time, I'll have to do a better job of concealing my Martian origins.


Until then, live long and prosper...



Bonus: Funny Centralia Wal-Mart Story

In August of 2001, I accidentally shoplifted a box of resume paper from the Centralia Wal-Mart. Well, I guess it wasn't actually shoplifting since I realized I had strolled out of the store with it once in the parking lot. Ames and I were dashing through the store and I had picked up a box of resume paper so that my plea for a job would look nice...though later I'd discover that apparently, I'm not even fit to grind coffee or empty change machines (a sampling of jobs I didn't get), but that's not my point. Actually there isn't a point to this at all. I freaked out when I realized I had stolen the paper and scurried back into the store and hopped into a checkout line, legally purchased said paper and I think no one (save for Ames) was the wiser. So the moral of the story is...don't ever rush me while I'm shopping. I may end up inadvertently robbing the place.