I thought Hindsight was 20/20

I've been reading old chat logs lately as I've been missing some folks that I no longer get to see as often as I used to. I always thought that I did a decent job of not taking people for granted, but from the dull ache I feel when I read through some old conversations, I'm afraid I did. I'm also amazed at how just now it seems that I'm able to consciously admit how badly I lied to myself for about a 15 month window. I was trying so hard to make something work that even though I was pretty much outright saying to some people that it wasn't and I was miserable that I completely missed this fact myself. Lessons learned from this: if something is in your life and suddenly there's less room for things that once really mattered a lot then that is not a good thing. If people go away because of this new thing in your life, that's not a good thing either. And if you suddenly realize that when the smoke clears, people are glad you're "back," then things were an unspeakable level of wrong.

A long time ago, I realized that I missed out on something that was potentially awesome (or not, but I think it would have been more awesome than not if the timing had been right) due to wasting my time with something that made me unhappy and I complained about but never really did anything about and I swore I'd never be so focused on making what I didn't want work out of sake of pride that I would do that again...

So I'm digging through some papers a few days ago and you know what? I think did it again...and it only took me years to figure out that I messed up...again.

This post has been brought to you by being tired and not knowing what you've got until it's gone. Oh, and staying up too late to finish getting the song "Damn I Wish I was Your Lover" by Sophie B. Hawkins in the name of nostalgia. For a song that sometimes I need to listen to, I'm surprised I don't have it more readily at hand

One Big Holiday ... Over!

3 weeks and I can sum up the time as .... it's been nice not having to wear real shoes.

Top Down, Top Off

I'm having regular dates these days...3 days a week with a personal trainer. Somehow in the past year and a half, I've become rather jabba-the-hutt-esque in my figure, so I'm logging what I eat on a website and having someone reintroduce me to the finer points of push ups, chin ups, and clean and jerking until I can once again see my feet over the bag of beer, doritos, and wings I call a stomach.

Cut to Wednesday night - I'm burning up from burning calories. It's dark and I'm driving through the country. Boys drive around sans shirt all the time, why can't I? So, glad in Nike sports bra support goodness, I meander down the country roads with the top on my car down and my shirt off. It felt awesome! I forsee a ritual coming to be...and in honor of this, I made my latest mix cd:

Talking Heads - Road to Nowhere
Harvey Danger - Flagpole Sitta
R.E.M. - What's the Frequency, Kenneth?
Cake - Rock'n'Roll Lifestyle
Fall Out Boy - I Don't Care
The Arcade Fire - Wake Up
My Morning Jacket - One Big Holiday
Matthew Sweet - We're the Same
Queen - Crazy Little Thing Called Love
Better than Ezra - Good
The Shins - New Slang
Townes Van Zandt - Dead Flowers
Modest Mouse - Float On
Rilo Kiley - Under the Blacklight
The Hold Steady - Constructive Summer
The Smashing Pumpkins - Tonight, Tonight
Pearl Jam - Yellow Ledbetter

And of course, let's toast to the things that inspired this latest mix: sports bras, moonlight, new beginnings and new physiques. Last but not least, let's give a hand to Lady the Convertible and the fun I'll have in her

Return to the Daylight

It's over...my time on 3rd shift and come and gone and now I am back amongst the daywalkers. And I'm hating it. True, I no longer spend all weekend sleeping because I'm sleep deprived from the week and I no longer have a good excuse for sleeping all day. But sleep-stuff aside, my biggest beef with daytime working hours is...all the people that are around during the day, just hanging around and doing what they usually do, only now I have to see it. I am also being invited to meetings again and I've never been what you'd call a meetings person. Last issue...and most importantly...no longer can I put my feet on my desk (because the brain juice is kept in my toes and I need it to roll to get the ideas to flow) and yell out curse words and pepper my patois with "shop talk." I loved me some shop talk...

Anyway, now I'm also doing the quality thing, which is incredibly slow moving in comparison to operations. I've always been a bit of "go! go! go!" in my working style...doesn't mesh as well with meticulous problem solving. Or does it? Things will be interesting as I inject a bit of moon into the sun.

On Demand

I have found something to fill the deep void in my life...On Demand television. Right now, I'm in my second home, the cloth recliner, having yet another night of no sleeping due to my whacked out hours and my general propensity to being nocturnal.

Since discovering this nifty little feature of our overpriced cable service, I'm much less bitter at the cost knowing that I've been able to catch up on Season 2 of Breaking Bad. South Park on Demand, yes please. Watch the Hills? Why not?

Right now I'm awaiting daybreak with episodes of Veronica Mars from season 1. Sure, I have the series downstairs on the bookcase but...that would require me to get up. Then again, I have to shift periodically to avoid bedsores.

Could this be just a gateway drug to TiVo???

Google by Alphabet

In the spirit of MySpace and the MySpace-ization of Facebook via surveys, I just made up/figured out this one. I go into Google and see what all I have searched and then list the first item searched for each letter of the alphabet. Fun eh? (Don't worry, readers of Sparkyworld, both of you, I go back to work on Sunday night.)

Here goes:

A - aaliyah
B - BE addicts (yeah, i do'nt know what this is either
C - calendar
D - DiDough's Twisted Pretzels (don't eat there, the manager is a douche)
E - Environmental Health and Safety PhD Programs
F - factory
G - George Boze (something to do with the bloody strike of the 90s up here in P-town)
H - H&M
I - I-64 exits
J - Jackson, MS (the first one involves illegal activities, so this is the second one)
K - my name!
L - LEEP (a procedure to correct a rogue who-who-dilly)
M - Morton Bank (best interest rates in town my arse!)
N - NIOSH erc
O - O (apparently I googled a letter)
P - Peoria, IL (wow, I'm lame)
Q - quantitative respirator fit testing (i'm really lame)
R - Raceway Woods
S - Samsung SCHu740
T - t le clerc
U - U2 Lyrics
V - valentine's day gifts for men (back when i cared)
W - walker, texas ranger
X - X17
Y - yates
Z - zangief (Street Fighter, Hells Yeah!)

These are pretty lame, so here are the most entertaining ones from my searches, as determined by me:

A - Angry Defecation (from back when I was trying to apprehend "The Mad Crapper")
B - Bathroom Injury Statistics
C - caloric value of kleenex
D - Draw a Mailbox psychological test
E - Ecclesiastes 7:13
F - falling into lava
G - gang bang
H - hairless hampsters
I - i has a karot
J - Jing Jang Cream
K - Keep Louisville Weird
L - Laws of Power
M - mac of macistant
N - nail gun injuries
O - obama questionnaire
P - Pekin Chinks
Q - quotes
R - ringworm
S - scream queens
T - taming pet rats
U - underwriters laboratory
V - vayo con dios
W - watchmen trailer (!!!)
X - only 1 search, the aforementioned x17
Y - Yuri Ebihara
Z - zangief (check out the chest hair on zangief!)

Home

I will sum it all up by saying that it's good to be home. I've missed it. I've missed everyone. Times are different now. My life is somewhere else. Our lives are all changing. We're growing up and laying roots and starting families of our own. Days like today make me think about laying some roots of my own. I'm not saying I'm going to run out and do it tomorrow, but now I'm more open to the idea. So maybe it's time to grow up, once I figure out how. And when that day comes and even thereafter, I'll always remember what it was like to be young each time I go home.

The Wolves Picked One of Us Off

Work is getting weird...and hostile...and sad...and just...weird. The aura in the building is one part post-apocalyptic shock and another part extreme sense of impending doom. Oh the joys of an imploding economy! We're all literally taking it one day at a time, waiting to get a small envelope, which means that our days are number and the date of our professional death at Big Yellow will be imminent in 60 days.

There was a mass reduction in force amongst the hourly ranks last week and the fallout still lingers heavy in the air. Now there are stage whispers of another coming for the management and salary folks and small tribes are begining to form.

Me, I'm the last of the mohicans, with the mm likely being the latest casualty in the war on cost. I'm already working with the pretty boy, who is about to embark on his final 30 days with the company. Working with him is like working with the walking dead. And now that the mm has abruptly vanished, I feel like...

You know when the zombies are attacking and then there are only 2 people left? We were those two people and we had our backs against each others, fighting the good fights (people! quality! velocity! cost!) and being glad to 'live' another day. Well, the zombies picked him off and now it's just me against the horde. What do I do?

I keep my head low, draw a circle in salt on the ground, pick up a board and start swinging. Oh hells yeah I feel defeated and sad and lonely, but now I'm mad as hell and feeling that old defiant spark rearing it's head (which is a sensation very much akin to the one I get when a fervor for pyromania sets in). Yes, I'mna light this bitch on fire, keep on swinging, and not go quietly into that good night.

...and then I'm going to go home and mourn some more. No, wait. I'm going to drive to Tennessee, listen to a lot of Leonard Cohen, and smoke me some Dunhills. That's what I'm gonna do...

Stay Out of My Sleep!

I think it's a new record...almost a year? A little over a year? For years now, been my own personal Freddy Kruger invading my sleeping, saying cryptic things to me and then vanishing when I wake, leaving me in a daze that haunts my memory for the remainder of the week.

Last time we met, you gave me "advice" in the form of a cryptic, word playing sentence. I went to visit you last night, in a townhouse that you could theoretically own in a town vaguely familiar but probably nowhere I've never actually been. Your neighborhood screamed of yuppiness but your place was unassuming...basically a shotgun house as part of a complex built into a hill with your living quarters resting above the garage. I don't know why we met up or exactly why I was in town, but I received a call from you immediately after I was kicked out (as in forcibly removed by security) from a health fair. I was dressed to kill in a black skirt suit and a purple shirt...high heeled boots and made myself at home on your bed, which was located in your living room. You told me that you could pay $2000/mo for a place with an actual bedroom or $850/mo for this.

You didnt say anything cryptic to me this time, but you served me beer in a glass, saying that I was dressed too nicely to drink from a bottle or can. I took off my shoes and rubbed my stocking feet all over your comforter. You made a half-hearted effort to rub my feet and I combed your hair. We discussed our paths in life, where we thought we'd be and where we think we're going. You never asked me why security removed me from the health fair and I never offered as reason as I, myself, do not know. Then your wife came home and you told me that I'd have to leave out the window. I slapped you in the mouth and told you that I'd never see you again, but you just smiled and said you'd see me next year.

Top 5 Things No Amount of Book-Learnin' Can Prepare You For

1. Telling someone they are laid off and won't have a job in 60 days
2. Telling someone they are laid off and won't have a job in 60 days because someone has more union seniority than they do
3. Telling someone that after 30+ years, they will probably be laid off soon because the steward (with less than 5 years) is taking their job
4. Telling someone they are being bumped out of their job and going to another facility
5. Telling someone that their work cell is again being closed due to low work and giving them the forms to file for unemployment for yet another week

I Think I'll Go for a Jog

Tonight at volleyball, I thought to myself, "hey, I know...jogging!" Random thought - yes, but did you expect anything less from moi? It's just that I noticed the exercise endorphins kicking in and felt nicely constricted by the sports-bra-tank thing keeping the ladies under control and realized that I just need to get off the couch and go jog. That, and I think I spent the majority of my weekend on the couch...sleeping and eating. I'm like a cat with a job. My sloth is really starting to get to me.

I tried out the new Q'doba that opened in EP tonight...taco salads es muy bueno. However, I think I'm going to get it without the shell next time because the temptation to eat it is much too great. The Q'doba also serves beer, so I can probably get the guys to go with sometime.

Talladega Nights is on TBS right now...I think I'm going to get this moving on DVD. It's not particularly awesome but quotable as hell. I wanna go fast too. And having a pet cougar would be pretty sweet...I'd sick it on people and ride around on it.

The Watchmen comes out next weekend...I hope I'll see it at least twice next weekend. Went to see Confessions of a Shopaholic yesterday after beers at Old Chicago. That movie was...cute, but more like a morality play? It's definitely a how-not-to guide. I wanted to go home and cut up all my credit cards after watching this movie. Then again, all of them are paid off, so I guess I'll just not use them this month.

Okay...off to juice up on Red Bulls (because for having slept a lot this weekend, it wasn't at the best times for being on a 3rd shift schedule) and paint on my face. Gots-ta go to work.

The Longest Short Month

So is it the persistent gloomy weather or the hint of spring that makes February almost unbearably long. I don't even recall there being sweet relief of February Sweeps on tv to give glimmer of hope. Then again, life itself was dramatic enough this month that anything on television would likely pale in comparison.

Let's say that life is a sitcom, or in my case, a 50 minute long HBO show (because let's face it - NBC just isn't ready for 'shop talk') with a new episode airing weekly and I'll get 4 can't miss episodes for the month. This would be the time where we break out the big story arc, "kill off" characters, have our gimmicks and guest stars and end each ep with the ominous "to be continued..." My sweeps month would start something like...

I'm sitting on the couch with my feet up, dozing with a laptop on me (per the usual) when the phone rings (taking dramatic license here) with one of my counterparts asking me if I've checked my work email. Cut to the computer screen and see in big, bold words something to the effect of "Leader Meetings: Lay Offs" My phone would jingle the cute little blip of an incoming text message and the screen would say something about meeting at 9... Cue Theme Music (Though I must take an aside to state that I'm not sure how the theme credits to My Life as a TV Show would look these days.)

Everything here after, saving the details could be given in a synopsis ala TV Guide, but with spoilers because I really want you to know what happens (as people read this either out of morbid curiousity/boredom/to keep abreast of my doings)! So, after dramatic opening things would get rolling at a nice hum. Maybe a montage of me napping on the couch, in the chair, various places where I sleep during the day would be in order, especially to capture the epic 24 sleep I had after handing out layout notices.

Week one sweeps ep would be all about the immediate fallout of the lay off notices and revealing to the audience who go short envelopes and who did not, which would answer the question posed in the commercial advertising the week one ep. The subplot of the fate of Canyonero would continue with me having to wait yet another week to learn of my car's fate and going to Pekin for traffic court. The week would conclude with a guest appearance by folks from the Tech Center when I go out to booze it up for a night and get Tracy to comment about me "hanging out with old guys and lighting fires." I think that episode would end with me going home and sitting down in the chair and falling asleep (which for those who watch regularly know this is a common theme).

The President's Visit to HH would be our big gimmick episode with the guest star being the man himself there to tell us how he's going to Barack the economy back into shape. That episode would be all about sweeping the building with the secret service and sneaking in the area where the speech would be to take funny pictures. Week 2 would also reveal the fate of Canyonero 2.0 (totalled) and the introduction of El Convertibal! (or whatever new car shall be named). This would be a funny ep that showcases me giving car salesmen hell. It'd also show one of my former employees getting carted off by the secret service (true, but played up for comedic effect) and everyone's reaction to it. (On an aside this really happened and now, almost a month later, it's actually a really sad story but more about that later.) Fade out as I drive off into the clear night, listening to "Flashing Lights" by Kanye West in my new car, smiling that all the drama of January's car wreck is finally behind me and I'm getting back to some semblance of normalacy. (I'm also smiling because now that I'm not in the already-smoked-in-Chevy Cobalt, I have good reason to quit my brief return to smoking...Dunhills and Marlboros...this time the lights, in the hard pack. Yeah, immediately following the wreck I found myself driving around and smoking while listening to a lot of the The Smiths, Nirvana, and Cure...but I think I'm over this now.)


Week 3's ep is the Valentine's Day ep...it reintroduces a face from my past as my spur-of-the-moment V-day "date" and then follows us emailing back and forth for the next week, eventually going out on something that is decided at the evening to being a real date. In the middle of all that emailing is a slew of guest stars as I go back to my old place of work to visit for the day as well as a count down to departure of 'regular' cast members who are getting moved around due to our "deteriorating global economic conditions." But the...date, that's the big news. In a move that's surprised even me, I've found myself thinking of someone often and that's made this week go by at a snail's pace.

This brings us to now...week 4... I haven't quite figured out how to sum it all up, but I feel like there needs to be some sort of denouement for all of this, but for what. The week has been long because I've been antsy for the weekend, hoping to spend part of it with that boy who has the Death Star as the centerpiece on his dining room table. I've also felt wistful knowing that the relationship I've had with another person is changing and that all of that delicious sexual tension probably went away after that one morning in December (that was all just a dream, btw, it must have been - that's the only explanation) and now we're relegated to "just friends" (though some people are so awesome that to be relegated to such with them is a most exhalted honor...mm is one of those people). That was doused pretty much too when the mm overheard me cooing to death star boy on the phone. So cue the dramatic music...March comes the day after tomorrow.
How will it end? Stay tunes and find out next week on...

Alt-Country/Bluesy(grass) Rock Mix

Brand new mix for cruising around the in the rental cobalt

Old Crow Medicine Show - "Union Maid"
Uncle Tupelo - "No Depression"
Cat Power - "Lost Someone"
Diamond Rio - "Beautiful Mess"
Gov't Mule - "Beautifully Broken"
Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins - "Happy"
My Morning Jacket - "Sec Walkin"
Gov't Mule - "Slackjaw Jezebel"
Jenny Lewis - "The Next Messiah"
My Morning Jacket - "Golden"
Wilco - "Should've Been in Love"
Rolling Stones - "Wild Horses"
Uncle Tupelo - "I Got Drunk"
Margot & the Nuclear So and So's - "Talking in Code"
Shooter Jennings - "Last Time I Let You Down"
Wilco - "It's Just that Simple"
Old 97s - "Four Leaf Clover"
Kings of Leon - "I Want You"

I Should be Dead and Thinking that is Not Overly Dramatic

In short, I skid on ice and went down into a ravine Monday night while on the way to work. I started writing this yesterday and just finished it this morning. So, here it is, my narative about that time I drove off a cliff...

Last night, just before 10 pm as I was driving into work, I hit a patch of ice while driving down the winding hill that I take to get into East Peoria and my car went into a skid. My car was traveling on a country road heading west. I steered out of the skid but immediately hit another which sent my car sliding sideways down the hill. I steered into that skid to try to straighten it out and turned my car about 100 degrees, at which point my car was in the "eastbound" side of the road and my front tires went off the road, which were followed by my rear left tire. My car dropped about 10 feet straight down and then the front tires hit ground and I drove through two small trees, knocking them down and going over them.

Somehow in all of this, I kept my car upright but I couldn't stop. I bounced off 3 trees - hit the first one on the drivers side of the car, and that took off my side view mirror. I drove around another tree to keep from hitting it head on and the left side of my car grazed another tree. Finally, I went against another tree on the driver's side and it broke out the window behind me and ripped off more of the front of my car and side molding. I never hit anything head on, so my airbag didn't deploy. When I came to a stop, it was dark except for the light from my car's head and taillights. I couldn't open my door all the way and I could smell hot engine components. I shut off the engine and forced my door open, sliding between my door and a tree and began to run up the hill. I made it about 70 feet up the way when I stop, realizing the car wasn't going to explode or catch on fire or anything like that, so I pulled my work phone out of my pocket and called 911 to report my location to the best of my ability.

While talking to the dispatcher, I tried to continue climbing up to the road, but I reached the vertical drop and told them I'd call back when I reached the road. I had wiped out most of the plants and trees and anything else that worked for grabbing onto, but as luck would have it, the thorn bushes remained fully attached to the ground, so I used them. Since it was about 15 degrees out when all of this happened my hands were pretty cold and it was hard to feel a lot - this was a good thing because it helped me keep from feeling the thorns pressing into the palms of my hands. The terrain was also slick and uneven and it was nearly pitch-black so I kept slipping and falling back down into the ravine. Each time this happened for some reason my shirt would go up with it and the broken limbs and thorns put deep scratches into my stomach.

I finally made it up to the road and just as I pulled myself up a car went by and then stopped and came back - the lady inside let me sit in her car to warm up as I called back to emergency services and gave them more information. I was told that a snow plow would have to be sent so the police could reach me so that would take a bit longer. I decided, knowing I was able to climb out of the ravine once, to return to secure the car the best I could and get insurance papers.

Of course, it was much easier to get down than up...I got what I needed and stuffed it all into my lunch bag, which I'd toss up the hill, climb to, pick up and toss again...managing to skillfully do this without spilling the contents. I continued this process until I saw the police arrive, but they couldn't see me from the road, so I'm yelling trying to get their attention so they can find me. While I was back down in the car I thought to turn on the hazard flashers - I would like to think this helped because the police did locate me and tossed me a nylon strap, which helped greatly in getting the rest of the way out of the ravine. I was ushered into one of the police cars (and I knew that I wasn't injured too badly because I referred to the back seat as 'the perp seat') and driven back to my parents' house. I called ahead because I didn't want one of them to see the police car sitting in the driveway in the middle of the night (because we usually know what that means)...also needed the door opened for me because for some reason I just couldn't remember that I had my house keys zipped into my coat pocket.

Mom keeps checking on me to double check that I'm all right. Dad has been really cool about everything, going with me to get my car pulled out of the ravine and working with the police and body shop and insurance people. I really hope my car is totaled. In addition to all the stuff that's jacked up with it now I'm pretty sure it has a curse on it.

Today I feel...like I've driven off a cliff. I'm sore and still have thorns stuck in my legs, stomach, hands and bum. I couldn't make it through work last night because I was just...not right and hobbling around. I had my "No Country for Old Men" moment last night - sitting in a bath tub picking glass and plant stuff out of my legs, which stained the bathwater a light pink. Epsom salts are good - I'm not sure what they do, but I'm going with they did help me get the rest of the stuff out of my legs. Yeah, I lost my stuff about it...I don't care about the car but I just feel like crying a lot.

I used to think that it would help my family not be so overprotective of me if something really bad would happen and I'd be okay - just to show them that I'm okay. I feel like I'm being a drama queen, thinking all of this. People have car wrecks everyday - ones way worse than this one. I think what it making all of this so hard, emotionally, is that over the past few years I've (not for the best) conditioned myself to not care about myself. I'm not saying that I didn't care if I lived or died (though I've had my moments) but it's just a shock to the system to try so hard not to care about one's own well being and realizing the will to live is so embedded in me that I can't suppress it and need to just stop now. It hurts to not want to be cut and scratched and bruised and in physical pain and it hurts to not want to be dead at the bottom of a ravine somewhere. I just need to re-learn to deal with all of this and admit that it's okay to not be 100% okay all the time. It's not healthy and I'm sad that I had to drive off a cliff and climb back up it to realize this.

First Mix CD of 2009

I was looking for something cool and modern and not really of this decade, so I came up with the following:

1. "Lithium" - Nirvana
2. "Black Metallic" - Catherine Wheel
3. "Blood and Roses" - The Smithereens
4. "Under the Milky Way" - The Church
5. "Sweet Jane" - Cowboy Junkies
6. "Never Said" - Liz Phair
7. "Portions for Foxes" - Rilo Kiley
8. "Vapour Trail" - Ride
9. "Am I Wrong" - Love Spit Love
10. "78 Stone Wobble" - Gomez
11. "Pale Blue Eyes" - The Velvet Underground
12. "Fade into You" - Mazzy Starr
13. "Love Spreads" - The Stone Roses
14. "Rebirth of the Cool" - The Afghan Whigs
15. "Cities in Dust" - Siouxsie and the Banshees
16. "Nearly Lost You" - Screaming Trees
17. "Backwater" - Meatpuppets


I think this is a good way to kick off the new year; one of my best compilations yet!

I Think it was All Just a Dream

Tomorrow morning I leave Florida and return to Peoria...

I'm taking bit of the pirate lifestyle with me. Look for some good things in '09. I have some good pictures too.

I've eaten more rare red meat, drank more alcohol, and spent more time lying in the sun than I have the collective of the entire year. It's been forever since I've felt this good.

Things to do upon my return:

1. Play with Sven.
2. Wash towels.
3. Buy a hookah.
4. Chill beer.
5. "Obtain" the Stone Roses' album from '93...I can't remember the song's name but it's something about "let me put you in the picture, let me show you what it means..."
6. Dust off guitar and give it another shot. I need a genre to learn, and not that surf music stuff either...
7. Pinch myself yet again.
8. Ring in the new year.
9. Sing a chanty and loot and plunder.... I purchased a "What Would Pirate Do?" decision making tool while in Key West - it's pretty awesome. Has a skull and cross bones spinner on it and everything. And yes, I did get a jolly roger flag that's going to hang in my office.

Farewell shorts and sandals...hello wool coat, if only for a few more months.

Brrr

It's a balmy 25 degrees here today with blowing snow and winds around 20+ mph...and today is the warmest one we've had in a while! I'm just hanging out for a bit before being picked up to be carted off to the airport. So, while killing some time, let's have some thoughts about Christmas.

Things I'm thankful for this Christmas... I will start with friends that are willing to come get me and take me to the airport on their day off work. I always feel better about being propelled through the air in an aluminum tube if I can spend some time before with good people. I also feel better about this knowing that said fellow (who is a fellow member in the any-beer-at-any-time club) will probably toss back a couple in the airport lounge with me while I wait to be frisked by security and send on my way.

I'm also thankful for a family that will fly me down to Florida to hang out with them on their holiday break. (As well as for being tolerant of having my plans literally change 3 times in a day, but that will happen when your company is contracting with the times.)

I am thankful for Sven, my new rat-companion. We're still getting to know each other, but he's turning out to be quite the cuddly little guy. There's a lot to be said to having someone looking forward to your arrival home from work.

Facebook has brought to me yet another apology from a high school mean girl. Yeah, those girls were mean, but oddly enough it's suited me well because even before the age of 20, I knew how to deal with maladjusts and bitches and this is a skill that serves me well on the factory floor. File a grievance against me? It's better than a note in my locker telling me to leave town. Being a favorite target of the mean girls, I've later learned, has come from not giving them much of a reaction. I was commended today in writing by one of them for "turning the other cheek" and "taking the high road." Of course, having a rather sweet and sour demeaner could mean that I was mooning them when they weren't looking or getting to a strategic high point to better dispatch with the boiling oil. So...I'm not really thankful for the apologies because that's just a minor footnote added to a minor lift chapter. But I am thankful for the inherent ability to roll with the punches.

Finally, I'm thankful that I still have a job. A lot of folks I work with will start being let go at the begining of the year and it looks like I'm here to stay. (Of course, if I go, that means that the company was probably sold to China or something...let's just things will be really bad if stuff like that starts happening - the cuts get that deep.) I'm thankful I have friends with good business sense with whom to discuss this whole...situation and bounce off ideas. I glad my parents have instilled (what I think is) a good work ethic and never giving up. All of you out there should never give up and I have a story to illustrate why - ask me and I'll tell you in person sometime.

So now I'm off to bundle up, gather some in-flight magazines and set forth on some warmth and adventure.

See you in '09 kids!

Involuntary Eye Movement

Sometimes I notice that when I'm having an unpleasant conversation or when I'm irritated about something and have to talk about it, I can feel my eyes vibrate. I'm not sure if it can be seen, but I sure feel it's there.

Introducing Sven

A blue rat by the name of Sven came come with me from Peoria yesterday. He and I have a lot in common. For starters, we're both nocturnal. We both have allergies and we both like to be scratched behind the ears. Sven seems pretty chill, albeit a bit freaked by his sudden change in surroundings. I've set him up with a rat pad in the corner of my room and he seems to be taking to it fairly well (especially since I removed the platforms and ramps, which were a bit daunting to him). The folks are accepting of him - Mama talks to Sven when she goes into my room and checked on him last night while I was at work. Sven seems to like me well enough, with his natural tendency right now being to hide under my foot or try to crawl into my hoodie. From day one (well, yesterday), he'd let me just reach in and give him a soft pet. We tried out a ball yesterday, but he didn't really seem that into it. He just kind of looked at me like, "what the hell am i doing in a big, yellow ball? seriously." We'll give it another whirl in a few more days. In the meantime, I'm pretty excited about getting to know the little guy a bit better and look forward to working with him. I've read that rats are especially responsive to positive operant conditioning and in addition to being toilet trained, can also be trained to walk with leash and perform tricks. I've already introduced a litter pan to his cage and have began establishing the importance of a positive reinforcement device (dehydrated berries). Of course, I'm going to have to take some pictures and maybe even get him his own petbook page on facebook. So, in short, look forwad to hearing all about my precious little Sven. He's even getting a shout out in the '08 Christmas card.

In other news...it's snowing. A lot. I think we're in the 5-8 inch band. In my future I see...reloading Canyonero 2.0 with sand weights, leaving for work early and driving the whole way in low-4.

Stop the (Garbage) Truck!

I almost didn't get the trash out for pick up today because I forgot that pickup was today and not yesterday (due to Thanksgiving). After hearing the garbage truck rumble down the street I took off, stopping briefly in the garage to step into my shoes, and ran down the street toward the garbage truck as it was finishing up at the neighbor's place.

"Are you coming or going?" I called to the guy on the back of the truck. "Going!" he replied. "I forgot that you were coming today, would you swing around and take my bags?" "Sure!"

So, I ran back to the house and grabbed the three bags and carried them to the end of the driveway, giving two bags to the fellow and tossing another in the back. Mission accomplished.

On the way back to the house, I thought to myself that we have nice garbagemen. Then I also thought that it probably didn't hurt that I ran after them in a tshirt and no bra.