Rage against the Study Groups

I'm in the bowels of Waterfield...multitasking...trying to eek out suitable answers for my Ergonomics homework, draft a really important letter, and not kill the members of a study group that has decided to set up shop at a table 10 feet southwest of me.

I know that the library is the optimum place to study and large tables where groups can meet to review the anatomy of whatever or learn to read, write, and/or count are few and far between. In fact, last I heard, the library was encouraging people to use its services. However, what is the price that we, the meek library goer must pay in order for these...these...mobs of bookworms to do whatever it is they do.*

*The answer is 'annoy the shit out of everyone else by committing one or more of the following offenses:

1. Not utilizing their indoor voices.
2. Causing a ruckus. Sure, some good natured teasing does wonders to get the creative juices flowing, but must things really escalate into a full on paperwad war? Seriously folks, take it outside.
3. Partaking in unabbreviated cell phone calls. I used to be one of those people that thought that cell phones should never be used in the library. Ever. Then, I got one of my own and a job and an elderly and ill family member...and a social life, and I realized that using a cell phone in the library is not the end of the world, given that a) the calls are kept brief, and b) volume is kept to a minimum. I'm thinking the chick in the pick shirt screaming into her cell phone must not have gotten that memo...nor the one about using her indoor voice.
4. Musical chairs. I don't see the need-everyone has a seat and there's no music. It's recommended that everyone finds a seat where they are fairly certain they will be able to comfortably settle in for the evening...a place where they do not have to get up and walk around the table every few minutes to get a better look at what is going on, etc.
5. Waving around large pieces of poster board. I'm sure that most people can understand the complicated workings of the Krebs cycle as easily in small print as they can on a poster. And even if they can understand best by looking at a poster, especially one that isn't being waved around like a foam "We're #1" finger at a basketball game.

Now, having ranted about all of that, I'd like to discuss some of the things I'd love to do in the library before my time at Murray comes to an end.

1. I'd love to "surf" the periodicals on one of those rolling book carts. What a thrill it'd be to ride the waves of research. Cowabunga dudes.
2. Play a game of football. Not flag football...full contact football. In the basement alone, I see at least two areas which would make for a great (abbreviated) field.
3. Host a picnic. Quasi-regulated tempertature, ample lighting, large tables and many carpeted areas...all reasons why we should skip the quad and take the basket to the library. The carpet (in places) is even green...one that perhaps one day will be found in nature.
4. Get arrested and hauled out in handcuffs. If the library is the place to see and be seen, then when the po-po finally come for me, I hope they find me here. If you've got to be arrested, you may as well have an audience.
5. Perform an exorcism. The library is a great place to do this because it's quiet-so you can concentrate. And, if something goes wrong, there's lots of reference material around so corrective action can be (hopefully) figured out. Also, perhaps the demons would be released into Waterfield, and I don't know about you, but I can't think of a better way to spice up an evening of studying ventilation systems than having the unholy spawn of satan running rampant.
6. Covertly follow someone into a quiet corner of the bookstacks and then start shoving books off the shelves at them to recreate that scene from Ghostbusters. The reaction may be fear. The reaction may be anger. But best of all, a reaction is guaranteed.