Closed Captioned

Tonight after stuffing myself with breadsticks and seriously considering buying a rabbit, I decided to swing past the gym on my way home and go for 3 miles on the elliptical trainer. Now, I wouldn't normally work out after Tuesday Night Out, but today a new girl in the building had "thin" and "hot" used as descriptive terms (vague, but it gets the point across) when pointing her out, so I felt it best to take my fatguttery to the gym and sweat away in vain over the pipe dream that someday I would be described as such. ...After reading that last sentence, I just realized that someone has just written themselves a voucher for one free cockpunch.

Anyway...

I'm hoofing away, arms flailing, NIN blasting on my ipod when I found myself drawn to the episode of Boston Legal on the television screen. This show holds much appeal in theory in that it features both Captain Kirk AND Murphy Brown in the courts of law with Mr. Sinister Hotness, James Spader. I've never watched an entire episode, yet even watching the captions at the bottom of the screen, I found myself glued to the screen. Keep in mind that when "running" in place at a resistance a 10 (feel the burn!), it's hard to follow a storyline, however, I was anxiously awaiting to see if Murphy Brown had won her case. When the time came for the reading of the verdict, I was riveted to the screen. Beads of sweat pouring down my face, sweat staining my shirt, the defendant is found...

and then the captions just stopped. It just stopped!

There are some things in this world that should work consistently. Air bags, jet engines...one could probably argue a case for cellular service. Close captioning should work all of the time. It's not so much that it's a life/death situation but rather that I've noticed that this never consistently works. Most closed captioning is garbled gibberish. This is way wrong. If I were one of those sue-happy people, I'd scream class action lawsuit and rally the hearing impaired over this.