Where is the Happy Place

Twenty minutes after midnight, I close my eyes and all the pain in my back from this 18 hour day fades. The grittiness in my eyes, the frustration in my lungs, the cut on my hand, the pounding in my brain...for a moment it is gone.

To say that today I suffered from a case of the Mondays is an obvious statement. From the moment I woke, feeling the crusty sting of a fresh stye on my left eyelid and heaviness in my chest from lack of sleep, I knew that it'd be a grand task to keep the spirits high. Cold breakfast sandwich, meetings that drag on, and news that a wall is growing old and dropping its blocks were the good morning news of the day. I thought I made some prgress with reports, etc and then hit a brick wall. I'm nearly positive that I'm mocked behind my back...is it that obvious that I'm such a stupid girl? A joke? Out of my league in more ways than several? The screen on my home laptop went out tonight. I rushed it to Best Buy's Geek Squad with service plan in hand and proud that I had the where-with to put it in a case and be calm and matter of fact, rather than wrapping it in a blanket and huffing and crying, as many of my kind are expected to do. Even ordering a muffin from Starbucks on University was a chore. Every time I requested something that they just could not do, I resisted the urge to counter with "the one at Grand Prairie can do it." There I go again, always comparing things to others...

The "G" key snapped off The Beast., my work laptop. I shoved it back into the keyboard and willed it to stay put...telling it that it knows what's good for it. I'm surrounded by people that bully and brute toward the desired outcome. Shouldn't it be natural that I'd want to eventually lean that way too? Afterall, it works for them. I feel I'm nearing a crossroads with my life, but have no idea which path to take. I sure never thought I'd end up where I am now. Somedays, everything in the universe is pushing me to just run away and try again while others, it seems like I have to look for reasons not to stay. But really, how many 'stay' reasons do I have? Most of them are like a celestial cycle and once in a blue moon, I could see myself here forever. Then I realize I'm being foolish and try to look for other reasons and signs. Perhaps I get sidetracked before I can truly realize that there just aren't any there. Nights like tonight, I feel utterly adrift at sea.

So the only logical thing to do is to go to the happy place. Gotta love the happy place, that spot in your mind where all is good and tomorrow shines as a brighter day. Sometimes, if I think about my happy place hard enough, it actually materializes before me. Then there are times like right now, where all the wishing in the world won't make my Monday seem better.

...The "G" button just snapped off my keyboard again. I "glued" it on there with clear nail polish. It worked on my old saxophone, why not this computer?

Anyway, I guess the only rational thing to do at a moment like this is to crawl in bed and try again "tomorrow." The idea of sleep is phenomenal...so I suppose for now, that is my happy place.