The Roof is on Fire?

I woke up with a start this morning when I could have sworn my smoke detectors were going off! Bolting upright in bed around 5:19 in the morning and no glasses, all my blurry visioned self could perceive was glowing light coming from the kitchen/living room area. I couldn't smell smoke, but I thought I saw fire!

Upright, throwing off the covers and putting on my glasses, I realized there was no smoke in the house and the sounding of the alarms had stopped. There was no fire, but rather a mixture of morning glow seeping through the living room blinds and the golden glow of the light above the sink that rarely gets turned off at night. No fire. No smoke. No sound.

I tiptoed (why?) into the hall, where I nervously glared at the smoke detector. My sleep clouded mind couldn't remember where all in the house I had others, but I had just enough logic in tact to know that building codes require them in bedrooms. So after walking across the living room, feeling the door handle before opening and peering into the stairway - no fire, I turned to the door leading onto the balcony...felt at handle, gingerly opened door - no fire, I returned to the hall where I once again glared at the smoke detector. Turned to my left, felt door knob then turned, peered - no fire.

After finding sufficient evidence that the house wasn't burning down, I swapped out the battery, turned on the tv to the morning news, and crawled back into bed. Warm bed where just a few minutes before, I had been dreaming of some cruise ship trip from hell, populated with people from work, and we were all doing some lame dance before I had been jarred awake by the alarm. While not entirely sure of the dream specifics, I mustn't have been enjoying myself as the thought of the alarms signifying the ship sinking came as a welcome notion. And I closed my eyes and listened to the morning anchors clumsily making morning banter. Tom Tucker and Trisha Takinawa....

And once again I awoke suddenly when I heard...the mornign birthday greeting music signifying it's 15 'til the new hour...of seven. Crap.

Apparently in my false alarm fire rush, I began to unplug all of my alarm clocks (I'm down to two clock radios and a cell phone these days). Either I was going to save them from certain doom or thought that unplugging them would stop the fire. Sleepy logic is fuzzy. And I was out the door less than 30 minutes after waking up - showered, shampooed, dressed, and painted for the day. My last day at this particular job.

So tomorrow I'll report to some place exciting and new...not really, but at least it'll be different. I need a fresh start and I'm glad I fell into one that has different tasks and more money. I once said that I hope that someday I can hate my new job as much as I hate the one I had. Well, I didn't entirely mean that. I didn't hate this job as much as I thought I did. I hated some of the aspects of it and thought that I hated some of the people that I work with. But I don't. I've seen it as one big learning experience that has fundamentally changed changed the person I am. I've learned to be unapologetically directive and relish the ability to get things done. But I've also realized how important it is to not let those attributes become detractors and that the ability to build alliances and knowing who to call just as if not more important that the knowledge and ability housed in my brain and body. And I am newly amazed at my own ability to work and live wounded and do it well. I'm forged of the hard stuff, with a creamy nougat center. And I'm pretty awesome...even if some mornings I wake up thinking my house is on fire.