Theater Etiquette

Thursday afternoon, I decided to catch an afternoon 'The Break Up.' The most entertaining thing about this movie was the couple that decided to engage in...congress during the showing of this film.

I went to the 5:50 show after weighing in (down 2 more lbs) and grabbing some dinner (Quizno's Chicken Ceasar salad - yum). In my typical solo theater outing ritual, I purchased a ticket and then grabbed a medium theater-sized Diet Coke before making my way into the movie. For the first 10-15 minutes of the movie, I was the only person in the theater. I was singing along with the previews, slurping my soda, and had my feet on the back of the seat beacuse as the only person in there, I could. Having the place to myself made me feel like P. Diddy. If P. Diddy watched movies as bad as The Break Up.

Eventually, this gal entered and then proceeded to the back of the auditorium. I mentally noted that I must not be the only girl in town goes to the movies by herself to cheer up. A few minutes later, a guy walked up the stairs and went to sit with her, and once again, I was the losery single watching a lackluster film about breaking up. Did I mention this movie wasn't great?

Fifty five minutes into the movie, my attention is pulled away from the trainwreck on screen by the unmistakeable sound of heavy petting. I turn my head a bit and glance over the back of the seat and get a visual confirmation that the folks in the back are sucking face like woah. Nice. Back to watching the movie, until 10 minutes later and I'm hearing humping. I'll spare the details of the sounds leading me to believe that there was sexxing going on in the back of the theater, but trust me, I could tell. I glanced back again and both had disappeared into the aisle. So I began to laugh. A lot. And then I texted friends to tell them what was going on.

Granted, it is rude to use a cell phone during a movie, but I figured that if they could engage in sexual congress in the theater, I could use my phone.

I did consider what I would do upon encountering them as I left the theater, but I never got the chance to avert eye contact or boldly offer them napkins. The ending was horrific and my bladder was at maximum capacity, so I eschewed the resolution for a trip to the rest room. I pretty much made it. Did I mention The Break Up is not worth your time? At least I have an interesting story about people going at it 10 feet behind my head.