Obligatory Update

Yes, I'm alive. No, I haven't been eaten by bears.

I don't log on to the computer much in the evenings these days because I do believe my desk monkey ways are cutting into my ability to enjoy recreational computing. Furthermore, reality > virtual reality and aside from having the most awesome boy ever to help occupy my time, the weather has been g-o-r-g-e-o-u-s! That's right g-o-r-e-g-e-o-u-s! (B-a-n-a-n-a-s!)

I'm getting ready to dive right into some big projects at work because if I want to be a , I need to start acting like one. This means I'm about to get up close and personal with efficiency and project management. See, there's more time gone right there. You should all send me messages of support, really - and preferably at gmail.

I'm off for hot cocoa with the world's sexiest engineer and his lackeys. Peace!

They Don't Make Boys Like They Used To, So I'll Just Have to Get an Old School Model

I went on a date today. It was awesome. Here's the highlight reel:

* Being greeted with 3 roses
* Lunch at a locally owned restaurant (you know, one with character)
* Walking around Morton PumpkinFest (amused at strongman competition, an award winning hand carved wooden fish, laughing at how the purpose of holding hands is to clothsline small children)
* A Trip on the spinning, flipping, rotating in a cage wheel ride
* Mini Golf in East Peoria (complete with logarithmic scoring to accomodate my terrible time on the greens)
* Grandview View Drive
* Swinging in the park
* Sharing a turkey sandwich for dinner and sitting on the balcony
* Hours and hours of enjoying each others' company

So now I've officially decided that I've crossed over from amused to smitten.

[22:18] wings76fan: I mean ... c'mon ... I hung out with you today ... you have to register pretty high on the awesomeness scale for that
[22:18] K_D_117: so how's this awesomeness scale work?
[22:19] wings76fan: well... it's a complicated formula
[22:19] wings76fan: it takes your interests
[22:19] wings76fan: your wittiness
[22:19] wings76fan: the ability to laugh and smile
[22:19] wings76fan: factors in a intelligence
[22:19] wings76fan: and a fudge factor for general good looks
[22:19] wings76fan: and somehow, charm gets worked in
[22:20] wings76fan: and i've built a regression into minitab to predict how awesome you are
[22:20] wings76fan: and in case you're wondering.... on a scale of 1 to 10.... you were definitely in double digits :)


Oooooh - I think I finally found a good one up here. A very, very, very good one.

Tucson Bound

I'll be chilling in the desert for the next few days. Still debating whether or not to take my personal phone with me. Right now, I'm leaning towards 'no' as turning off for a while can be good. I'm also leaning toward finding a way to stay out there because desert living is good too. Taking pictures with the digicam and riding around (and maybe driving) some of the largest mining trucks on earth. Going to Tombstone tomorrow afternoon as pilgrimage to honor some of the BAMFs of history. I'm coming back in boots, a hat, and with some sort of preserved desert creature. <3

Cleaning House: Some Observations

Crack open a beer and put on Dawn of the Dead. It's time to clean house!

Tonight's house cleaning project has...gone in spurts. Arrived home around 6:30 with some seafood salad from Avanti's and determination to clean up this place. Weeks of running in and out have taken their toll on the cleanliness level of this place. A brief list of casualties: pile of clothes in the chair - they come of the the dryer and go on the chair, from there they are supposed to be put on hangers and go into the closet, but hangers are for sissies, right? Overflowing trash can - but seriously, you can only put so much, or 5 items, in a 13 gallon can. But nothing else will fit under my sink and early on I learned that you hide your trashcan. Don't ask, it was just something I was told and now follow blindly. Hidden kitchen table - 5 weeks worth of Chemical and Engineering News magazines. They come weekly which is awesome because I'll always have something to read. Not so awesome because, well, it comes weekly. Decaying plant matter in the crisper of my fridge. Broccoli...yeah, I'm good for a while on this vegetable. But yeah, you can see from the aforementioned examples that it was time to clean.

The folks are coming up tomorrow. This is added incentive. I had this in mind when I pulled the drip pans off the stove and tossed them in a sink full of hot water. My refrigerator has been thoroughly wiped out and restocked with bottled water and red bull. The present contents of my fridge: 2.5 cases of water, 18 cans of Red Bull, a door full of assorted sauces and condiments, 3 varieties of olives (blue cheese, jalepeno, and pimento stuffed), and a drawer full of cheese. Tomorrow, when I wake up, the (new!) sheets will be pulled out of the dryer and I'm going to run a dust cloth over the furniture and a vacuum over the floor. If this were two weeks ago, I'd do this tonight, but Mr. Brazillian Techno Music ("Are you playing DDR in here ?!?") departed and has been replaced by Mr. and Mrs. Parents with another Kid on the way...wait, were they in the left or right unit? Regardless, I'm tired and want to concentrate on drinking more water and watching Dawn of the Dead.

Earlier, I tried cleaning with Arrested Development Season One, but it was all too easy to curl up in the chair and catch up on The Bluths. Hence, I decided to get in my monthly viewing of Dawn of the Dead. When I first moved to Murray and didn't have a lot to do on Friday nights, I'd clean the house (complete with wiping down the woodwork and scrubbing the grout) while soft core on Skinemax played in the background. I'd do the same here, but I don't have skinemax. And my only other option is that copy of Shaved Pussy Vol. 1 I've got laying around, but I'm afraid that would be too jarring to provide the right amount of ambience for proper house cleaning. Speaking of said movie, I'm thinking of getting rid of it. It's free to anyone that wants it. Post here if you want this porn. It's been gently used and publicly ridiculed. You'll dig it the most.

Go with God

I twisted my ankle running across the quad today. The pain didn't even register until I was back at my desk because I was so elated at finally feeling free and the preoccupation that people were looking at me and saying "Who is that idiot running across the lawn?" But it's just that sometimes it feels so damn good to run and feel the wind in my hair and the earth passing by beneath my feet.

I started cleaning and redecorating things around my house and room last night. After I get my room just so, I'm sealing it off to the rest of the world for a while. I need a temple, solace from the world, and something that is mysterious...though until I get the rest of the clothes up off the floor, what the floor looks like is mysterious enough. The first addition was a cross above the door to ward off the presence of evil. The second being a fire extinguisher to put out whatever demon that bursts into flames upon attempting entry into my temples.

On a whim, I decided to get a haircut tonight. It's been a while as I've been trying to grow out my hair. No more side swept bangs or layers that accentuate the hugeness of my head. Yes, I've been trying to cut down on the self deprecation because I'm starting to remember how awesome I used to be/still am? The other night, I called myself a moped while talking to someone on the phone and I (would like to have?) heard sadness in his response that I'm not. I'm not a moped...a tricycle maybe, but not a moped. Vroom vroom. But the hair looks good. And I could correlate all but 2 of my haircuts this year to run ins with certain people. When did I start grooming to cheer myself up? Whatever happened to booze, hookers, and crack?

Leaving for Kentucky tomorrow afternoon. Thankgoodness for going somewhere to breathe. I'm counting the days until I can have a cabin and a hound dog. I'm counting the minutes until I can remember what it feels like to hug people I love.

The Tuesday Three

1. Grandpa! is doing better and will be going home from the hospital tomorrow. He'll be on blood thinners and may be moving up to Springfield, which will make it easier to see him more frequently.
2. I'm getting an x-ray on my arm tomorrow morning because I got hit with an explosion resistent test cell door today. At first I was cool with an ice pack, but my supervisor wants to be sure that I didn't fracture my arm. Heavy duty doors under massive amounts of negative pressure are dangerous things.
3. That's about it, really. It's pretty nice out. Kind of chilly. Yeah, that was my Tuesday.

It's Sharing Time

Here are several things I'm preoccupied with lately:

1. My grandpa is in the hospital.
2. My grandpa may be having surgery as soon as tomorrow.
3. My grandpa is nearly 90 and has blockages.
4. My grandpa may have to be taken to Springfield to have the procedure.
5. My grandpa is in the hospital...

Things to Consider...

I picked up that Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins cd this afternoon. I'm three tracks in and it's quite lovely. In the late 80s, I had grown accustomed to Jenny Lewis as that awesome girl who woo'd Fred Savage in The Wizard, but man was it a pleasant surprise to have her clear, sweet voice woo me through the speakers. Very country flavored and that appeals to me.

And when not receiving eargasms ala Jenny Lewis, I've been pondering the concept of "punishment." I fear what started as extreme effort of putting on a brave face and using my wounding wit to form a shield from all that causes me to not sleep and ache in the belly is out of control. It's self defense, that urge to make someone else feel as insignificant as they made you feel, turned destructive force. But what's one to do when the urge to attempt to inflict emotional punishment becomes this out of control monster. My brain is practically screaming an invite for reconnection but my mouth says such flippant, rude things. Things that I used to think as joking, but can't anymore when I can hear the daggers in my voice. How do we learn to stop stabbing when it feels so much better to hug? This is me being introspective about how caring isn't a sign of weakness and how I just want to say sorry for being such an axe wound and that I miss people. Especially the ones in my own back yard. Or front yard, depending on which direction you are facing.

And when not receiving eargasms or being introspective about people over yonder, I'm hung up on wines lately. Went to Jonah's this afternoon to help with a blind date. I just happened to "run into" a friend over drinks and a plate of shrimp an hour before she waited to meet Mr. Mystery Man. Should hear more about this tomorrow. Speaking of meeting mystery men, the days until Speed Dating are counting down fast. I used to joke about it being a chance to be rejected by 15 guys in 2 hours rather than one slowly and painfully over the course of a few months. Mom said that I should view it as a chance to choose from 15 guys over 2 hours...and that I need to quit being such a negative nancy. So I'm picking out outfits and deciding on a drink and trying to figure out where to get a bell I can bring when I want them to bring me a new fellow.

I survived August 22nd. Someone shat in the floor at work today. I've lost 2.7 pounds since Thursday. Pinot grigio is good wine. And that's all I have to say about today.

Banjo Music on NPR and Other Things I'm Digging Today

My favorite part about driving downstate would definitely have to be the seemingly never ending supply of blue grass and bayou music on 91.3 WUIS Springfield. I could rock out to this music for days at a time. It makes me want to go get a cabin in the woods and enjoy the fall as God intended - sitting on a porch, in a rocking chair, whittling something, drinking whiskey spiked tea, smoking my pipe, and shooting at trespassers. Perhaps some day when I'm old and gray, I'll use the money I sold my good years for to get myself a cabin, a jar for sun tea, a rifle, and a hounddog who will be called 'Ol Smokey.

I'm also rather enamoured with my new blue suede shoes that I purchased for occasions requiring me to look presentable. This means I will be wearing them every day.

The new and improved Gordmans in Springfield in pretty sweet. Last March (or was it April), the store was eaten by the tornado that swept through Springfield. This evening, the store looked exactly as it did when it opened. Striped socks, a bottle of Blvgari perfume, and a celtic cross to keep demons away were purchased.

Corn dogs are currently high on my list of beloved items. I had my first one in quite a while at the State Fair on Friday evening. That night, I also took a ride across the fair, 40 feet up in the air, on the skytram. Once I made the mental calculation that I'd die instantly should the tram cables fail, I spent the rest of the ride trying to enjoy myself...and actually succeeded. Mind of matter. Mind over that nasty, nasty threat of gravity.

Finally, The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past is rocking my world. Gameboy SP for the win. Level 6 kicking my butt. Not so much.

Banjos, Blvgari, Corn Dogs, Video Games. These are the things that make my world turn.

Obligatory Update

I made an impromptu trip home this weekend. I packed and fled my home in 12 minutes, and this included two trips downstairs to get all my stuff into the car. I even remembered my golf shoes. Didn't make it home with socks or a contact lens case, but one can argue that the best road trips start with "I left my house in 12 minutes."

So why does one leave their house in 12 minutes, spur of the moment. Officially: I was fleeing from the mob. Unofficially: I got Peoria'd out. I'm not sure I like it up here anymore and these days, it doesn't take much to send me running for the city limits with quivering lip. Being let down by yet another person yet again sent me road tripping. Having my priorities out of whack sent me home yet again. My obliterated self esteem sent me packing, yet again.

Driving is a great way to clear the mind and devise plans. That doesn't work as well when you spend part of your trip yelling into a cell phone about how you'd almost rather be in Missouri and contemplating driving off a bridge. But then, somewhere past Springfield, I remembered that I had driven over my last bridge for the trip, so living another day was the only viable option. And then I sent text messages. I find myself sending to usual suspects and am begining to wonder if these lifetime updates aren't so much updates as requests to be rescued. I always thought that I was the hero of my own story but at the end of it all, maybe I'm just a girl in need of rescue. So if you're reading this, please come rescue me and we'll run off someplace sunny and not Peoria and live happily ever after...or until you get bored with me and cast me aside. Either way, I'm sure it'll be fun while it lasted. Yeah, rescue...I rest my case.

Mostly, I debated getting a haircut. The layers are out of control. Funny thing is, whenever I threaten to bob my hair, it does something adorable. My hair is like that worthless dog that pees on the rug repeatedly and when threatened with euthanization, thwarts a burglar. It lives another day.

Home was good and though I tried to put on a brave face, I ended up bursting into tears upon seeing my parents and crawled into bed with mom and spent the evening crying myself to sleep long after mom fell asleep and started snoring (which is okay because I snore too). Sometime in the night, I went downstairs and checked my email and started to blog about my satisfaction with being a constant option and after thought, but I navigated away from the page and lost my post. See, even the internet doesn't want to hear me whine and bitch. I took it as a cosmic sign to quit being such a little bitch and went back to bed.

Saturday morning was good - went to the grocery store and fruit market and hung out with Grandpa for a bit. Couldn't really understand what he was saying, but we had a good visit anyway. Found out that my uncle has been at Barnes Hospital for 3 weeks with the diabetes but he'll be coming home soon and no longer works and will be spending lots of time with his brand new grandbaby, born a few days ago at a healthy 7-11! After our visit, we all went home, cooked lunch and had several stiff drinks. Actually, we had Light Corona with lime, but to me and my reduced caloric intake (minus 20 lbs in 7 weeks), A beer is a lot of alcohol. Then I fell asleep in the chair watching a Rambo movie. Woke up, grilled out, took food up to Grandpa, who was more coherent than in the morning, and went back home. End of Saturday.

Today...steak and eggs for breakfast. Talked to Mom about what to do with the rest of my life the whole way back up to Springfield and then stopped in Lincoln for gas and Red Bull (sugarless) on the second leg of my trip. Yeah, that was my weekend. Bored yet? Still reading? This week will be better. I'm enrolling in a class for something to do. I wanted to take a Calculus class (yes, I'm a dork), but can't find one that is in the evenings. Right now, I'm either going to take Spanish, Basic House Wiring, Surveying (weekends), or Architectural Rendering. Flexing my mental muscle will be good for me. At least it's something to do.

Oh we've got big trouble. Right here in River City...

The Roof is on Fire?

I woke up with a start this morning when I could have sworn my smoke detectors were going off! Bolting upright in bed around 5:19 in the morning and no glasses, all my blurry visioned self could perceive was glowing light coming from the kitchen/living room area. I couldn't smell smoke, but I thought I saw fire!

Upright, throwing off the covers and putting on my glasses, I realized there was no smoke in the house and the sounding of the alarms had stopped. There was no fire, but rather a mixture of morning glow seeping through the living room blinds and the golden glow of the light above the sink that rarely gets turned off at night. No fire. No smoke. No sound.

I tiptoed (why?) into the hall, where I nervously glared at the smoke detector. My sleep clouded mind couldn't remember where all in the house I had others, but I had just enough logic in tact to know that building codes require them in bedrooms. So after walking across the living room, feeling the door handle before opening and peering into the stairway - no fire, I turned to the door leading onto the balcony...felt at handle, gingerly opened door - no fire, I returned to the hall where I once again glared at the smoke detector. Turned to my left, felt door knob then turned, peered - no fire.

After finding sufficient evidence that the house wasn't burning down, I swapped out the battery, turned on the tv to the morning news, and crawled back into bed. Warm bed where just a few minutes before, I had been dreaming of some cruise ship trip from hell, populated with people from work, and we were all doing some lame dance before I had been jarred awake by the alarm. While not entirely sure of the dream specifics, I mustn't have been enjoying myself as the thought of the alarms signifying the ship sinking came as a welcome notion. And I closed my eyes and listened to the morning anchors clumsily making morning banter. Tom Tucker and Trisha Takinawa....

And once again I awoke suddenly when I heard...the mornign birthday greeting music signifying it's 15 'til the new hour...of seven. Crap.

Apparently in my false alarm fire rush, I began to unplug all of my alarm clocks (I'm down to two clock radios and a cell phone these days). Either I was going to save them from certain doom or thought that unplugging them would stop the fire. Sleepy logic is fuzzy. And I was out the door less than 30 minutes after waking up - showered, shampooed, dressed, and painted for the day. My last day at this particular job.

So tomorrow I'll report to some place exciting and new...not really, but at least it'll be different. I need a fresh start and I'm glad I fell into one that has different tasks and more money. I once said that I hope that someday I can hate my new job as much as I hate the one I had. Well, I didn't entirely mean that. I didn't hate this job as much as I thought I did. I hated some of the aspects of it and thought that I hated some of the people that I work with. But I don't. I've seen it as one big learning experience that has fundamentally changed changed the person I am. I've learned to be unapologetically directive and relish the ability to get things done. But I've also realized how important it is to not let those attributes become detractors and that the ability to build alliances and knowing who to call just as if not more important that the knowledge and ability housed in my brain and body. And I am newly amazed at my own ability to work and live wounded and do it well. I'm forged of the hard stuff, with a creamy nougat center. And I'm pretty awesome...even if some mornings I wake up thinking my house is on fire.

A is for Alpaca!

Saturday, Matt and I made a journey into outer Chillicothe in search of alpacas...

This story actually begins a few months ago, when I saw Sherri, the Alpaca Lady, on the morning news talking about AlpacaFest and the many uses for these wonderful little animals. Instantly, alpacas were added to the list of creatures that I can look at and immediately smile. Sometimes at work, I'll just look at alpacas if I'm feeling grouchy or if others are having a lame day, I'll email them pictures of alpacas. Yes, this whole alpaca thing has become sort of an obsession.

So why am I so crazy about alpacas? Aside from their cuteness and charm, they're sweet natured and gentle. The alpca is also a useful creature and is soft and comforting to the touch. Finally, they're kind of goofy looking. It's another one of those instances where God shows a sense of humor by creating something so charming and funny looking.

This whole alpaca obsession came full circle on Saturday, having made a trip to an area alpaca farm in order to see these creatures up close and personal. This trip was also quite educational as we had over an hour to just ask questions and learn. Alpacas need relatively little space and only cost about $200/animal/year to feed and maintain. In this part of the country, they need regular worm treatments to avoid parasites that can bore through the alpaca stomach and into the spinal cord. Furthermore, just off the breeding and the fleece, you can get a nice return on investment.

I'm not saying this is something that I'll definitely do in the future, but I am toying with the idea of perhaps having a couple of alpacas running around one of these days. Maybe some land, a herding dog or two and alpacas. That would be nice.

The Battle of Peoria

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peoria_War

The Peoria War was an armed conflict between the U. S. Army and the Native American tribes of the Potawatomi and the Kickapoo that took place in the Peoria County, Illinois area, near the current location of the city of Peoria, from September 19 to October 21, 1813.

It must be noted that the Native American tribe of the Peoria was not involved in this conflict. Rather, its name comes from the location of the events, which had originally received its denomination from that of the tribe.

The Peoria War was closely related to the larger scale Tecumseh's War and the War of 1812, while essentially circumscribed to actions within the Peoria area. It also ended after the Battle of the Thames and the death of the Shawnee leader Tecumseh on October 5, 1813, which is generally considered as the ending date of the Native American involvement in the War of 1812.

Theater Etiquette

Thursday afternoon, I decided to catch an afternoon 'The Break Up.' The most entertaining thing about this movie was the couple that decided to engage in...congress during the showing of this film.

I went to the 5:50 show after weighing in (down 2 more lbs) and grabbing some dinner (Quizno's Chicken Ceasar salad - yum). In my typical solo theater outing ritual, I purchased a ticket and then grabbed a medium theater-sized Diet Coke before making my way into the movie. For the first 10-15 minutes of the movie, I was the only person in the theater. I was singing along with the previews, slurping my soda, and had my feet on the back of the seat beacuse as the only person in there, I could. Having the place to myself made me feel like P. Diddy. If P. Diddy watched movies as bad as The Break Up.

Eventually, this gal entered and then proceeded to the back of the auditorium. I mentally noted that I must not be the only girl in town goes to the movies by herself to cheer up. A few minutes later, a guy walked up the stairs and went to sit with her, and once again, I was the losery single watching a lackluster film about breaking up. Did I mention this movie wasn't great?

Fifty five minutes into the movie, my attention is pulled away from the trainwreck on screen by the unmistakeable sound of heavy petting. I turn my head a bit and glance over the back of the seat and get a visual confirmation that the folks in the back are sucking face like woah. Nice. Back to watching the movie, until 10 minutes later and I'm hearing humping. I'll spare the details of the sounds leading me to believe that there was sexxing going on in the back of the theater, but trust me, I could tell. I glanced back again and both had disappeared into the aisle. So I began to laugh. A lot. And then I texted friends to tell them what was going on.

Granted, it is rude to use a cell phone during a movie, but I figured that if they could engage in sexual congress in the theater, I could use my phone.

I did consider what I would do upon encountering them as I left the theater, but I never got the chance to avert eye contact or boldly offer them napkins. The ending was horrific and my bladder was at maximum capacity, so I eschewed the resolution for a trip to the rest room. I pretty much made it. Did I mention The Break Up is not worth your time? At least I have an interesting story about people going at it 10 feet behind my head.

Steak Through My Heart

It appears that I'll be going to a Steak Dinner Party where I'm to "bring my significant other." Ha! I suppose I get two steaks because of late, I can't help but shake the feeling that I may, perhaps, indeed be utterly undateable. And now I'll have to further suffer the indignity of having to tell people that I'll throw in a steak to sweeten the deal. I feel nauseous at the thought of having to offer red meat to someone to make an evening with me and my crazy coworkers seem bearable. Nauseasous at both the prospect of asking someone out and naseasous at the thought of having an evening with me and a free meal be not enough for even a maybe.

I Need Visitors, STAT

If there's anyone out there that's not from Peoria that wants to visit, next week would be the best time to do so. I'm homesick and need a care package with arms and legs. I didn't mean for that to come out as dirty as it did. Come see me and I'll take you to get stir fry and go watch Clerks II.

My Trip to the Oriental Grocery Store

This afternoon, I ventured downtown so that I could check out the oriental grocery store just yonder from Bradley. Of late, I've found the far east to be quite sexy, so I've been seeking out most things oriental. Today's trip only really served to whet my appetite as I was hoping I'd find so much more than I did.

Today's Oriental Purchases:

1. Spinach noodles
2. Duck soup sauce
3. Vegetarian duck
4. Navy blue, decorated chopsticks
5. Cucumber cleansing lotion
6. Canned mackeral

Save You

To the best of my knowledge, I am now certified in CPR - the art and science of bringing people back from the dead.

If you choose to have a medical emergency, I assure you that it's all right to have it in my presence, for it's my policy to attempt to save the life of anyone who has ever read my blog.

We'll see how the next eleven weeks of First Responder certification go, but I'm sure I'll be freaked out and upset multiple times before all of this is over. Yet, at the same time, I'm pretty excited about being able to help, even if it's until real help gets there.

However, I still can't get over what we were told tonight. "I can never recall performing CPR and NOT breaking someone's ribs."

Yikes

I.Hate.Baboons.

This afternoon, I was camped out on the couch, od'ing on The National Geographic channel. One of the shows (Hunter/Hunted) was about baboons attacking people in South Africa and this case in the northern region, where an old, male baboon grabbed a lady's 3 month old and held it hostage. The lady and a neighbor were trying to scare it away, but the baboon bit the baby and threw it down before running off. It is a tactic of the baboon to take the babies of their advarsaries hostage during combat. Also, biting the baby on the head is the baboon's preferred method of killing young, as they have really sharp and prominant front fangs. On the southern cape of the country, the baboon population has grown brazen around humans and will run up and mug them for food. I watched footage of a baboon stealing a woman's purse, rummaging through it, and throwing it at her upon discovering it did not contain food.

So based on the fact that baboons 1) bite babies, 2) take hostages, 3) can run 35 miles per hour, 4) mug tourists, and 5) smell awful, the verdict is that baboons are awful, awful creatures.