Introducing Sven

A blue rat by the name of Sven came come with me from Peoria yesterday. He and I have a lot in common. For starters, we're both nocturnal. We both have allergies and we both like to be scratched behind the ears. Sven seems pretty chill, albeit a bit freaked by his sudden change in surroundings. I've set him up with a rat pad in the corner of my room and he seems to be taking to it fairly well (especially since I removed the platforms and ramps, which were a bit daunting to him). The folks are accepting of him - Mama talks to Sven when she goes into my room and checked on him last night while I was at work. Sven seems to like me well enough, with his natural tendency right now being to hide under my foot or try to crawl into my hoodie. From day one (well, yesterday), he'd let me just reach in and give him a soft pet. We tried out a ball yesterday, but he didn't really seem that into it. He just kind of looked at me like, "what the hell am i doing in a big, yellow ball? seriously." We'll give it another whirl in a few more days. In the meantime, I'm pretty excited about getting to know the little guy a bit better and look forward to working with him. I've read that rats are especially responsive to positive operant conditioning and in addition to being toilet trained, can also be trained to walk with leash and perform tricks. I've already introduced a litter pan to his cage and have began establishing the importance of a positive reinforcement device (dehydrated berries). Of course, I'm going to have to take some pictures and maybe even get him his own petbook page on facebook. So, in short, look forwad to hearing all about my precious little Sven. He's even getting a shout out in the '08 Christmas card.

In other news...it's snowing. A lot. I think we're in the 5-8 inch band. In my future I see...reloading Canyonero 2.0 with sand weights, leaving for work early and driving the whole way in low-4.

Stop the (Garbage) Truck!

I almost didn't get the trash out for pick up today because I forgot that pickup was today and not yesterday (due to Thanksgiving). After hearing the garbage truck rumble down the street I took off, stopping briefly in the garage to step into my shoes, and ran down the street toward the garbage truck as it was finishing up at the neighbor's place.

"Are you coming or going?" I called to the guy on the back of the truck. "Going!" he replied. "I forgot that you were coming today, would you swing around and take my bags?" "Sure!"

So, I ran back to the house and grabbed the three bags and carried them to the end of the driveway, giving two bags to the fellow and tossing another in the back. Mission accomplished.

On the way back to the house, I thought to myself that we have nice garbagemen. Then I also thought that it probably didn't hurt that I ran after them in a tshirt and no bra.

To Sleep or Not to Sleep

I'm noticing that the idea of sleep occupies a great deal of my thoughts these days, but to a third-shifter, sleep becomes like what food is to a dieter: something which was once an automatic thing but now contemplated. Frequently.

Friday afternoon I called it a night around 4 pm, waking up around midnight. I went into the kitchen (in all my AE teal shirt and pj pants with grizzly bears on them glory) and got a slice of pie (berry) and milk and made myself a little nest in front of the tv. However, I soon found myself once again comatose, waking up at 7 - just in time to start watching MadTV and then passing out during a show on the travel channel. I can't quite recall what this show was about, but I find that travel channel is my preferred channel for sleep induction. And then I woke up and it was...9 pm. So, I flipped the channel over to The Andromeda Strain mini-series (A&E, I think?) and had a chicken salad sandwich while waiting for SNL. Post-SNL...lots of web surfing. I made an eHarmony account, but mostly for the free personality test, which told me nothing that I (and the people from the Gallup Interview - more about that later) didn't already know.

Somewhere in the middle of all of that, I had a Miller Lite and watched Hot Fuzz. Now I'm on a Bud Select and watching the Deathproof portion of Grindhouse. BTW - I'm still holding out for a full length feature of Machete. Don't know what I'm talking about - watch Planet Terror; it's the faux-trailer just prior to the start of the film. Planet Terror is snazzier and more action packed, but Deathproof probably has my heart for the soundtrack, muscle cars, and all the gratuitous shots of bare feet.

I haven't decided if I'm going to try to sleep or if I'm going to just stay up for the remainder of the day. 9 pm tonight will have me at 24 hours, and seeing as how I'm working day shift this week...I probably shouldn't have taken those couple of Tylenol PM a half hour ago. One thing is for certain and that's I need a bath. Haven't had one since Thursday evening and I'm getting to be one ripe petunia!

Yes, I did say that I would be a day-dweller this week. It's true that nothing recharges like night-sleep. It'll be good to return to the 'normal' world for a bit...build up for the weekend. I see being up all night and drinking beers in my future. Also volleyball and tomfoolery before it gets too cold. But in the meantime, I guess I'll wait to see if the tylenol pm-beer combo takes effect and go watch Kurt Russel kill some pretty young things with his car.

Night night?

Top 5 Things Found in Closet While Cleaning Today

1. Bullhorn (kept, dusted, and replaced batteries)
2. A bag of socks with no mates (gave to salvation army...maybe there's a one-footed person that can use them)
3. Rubbers (had a hearty laugh as to why I'd need such a thing and hid them in the medicine cabinet behind my bottle of Jim Beam...yes, I keep a bottle of whiskey in the medicine cabinet because it's for medicinal purposes)
4. A copy of CFR 1910.120 (That's the Hazardous Materials Response OSHA standard for those of you not in the know)
5. 3 Boxes of uneaten girlscout cookies...these came into my possession in February, I think I'll just toss 'em

Halloween Week

I need something to distract myself, so I'm going to concentrate on having a great week of celebrating all hallow's eve. Yesterday, I picked up a skull bucket and this afternoon I'm going to pick up a wig and/or witches hat...maybe a festive Halloween-inspired shirt or at least some pumpkin-festooned socks. I still need to decide on a costume... right now I'm torn between meltdown 2007 model Britney Spears and Sarah Palin. The Britney costume would consist of a pink wig, torn hose, big sunglasses, an umbrella, a bag of cheetos, and lipstick smeared up the side of my face and 5150 letter pinned to my shirt. Sarah Palin would be my glasses, a skirtsuit, a sash that reads "Madame Vice President," a rifle, and a baby doll. Then again, there's always my old standby: whatever I happen to be wearing that day and a set of cat ears. Either way, I'm sure I'll think of something.

In other news, I'm in leadership training the majority of this week, which will be a nice reprieve from the preparation for upcoming CPS-audit mania that's overtaken work. I can't help but feel we're set up to fail this audit and that makes it easy to be fearful of the outcome. Then again, I know that I'm on a winning team with other like-minded people (None of lose. Ever.) so I know that while it'll be a race to the end, everything will be all right. But being away from work will do me well - my brain is oversaturated with it and all things related to it and found there.

Today...horror movies on AMC. Right now is Pet Cemetary; Nightmare on Elm Street was earlier. Christine is next, but by the time the credits roll on this one, I may be Stephen King-ed out, though craving a return trip to Maine.

I Wish I was a Stingy Bastard

My generosity bites me in the ass again and again. While I've done a great job of not being taken advantage of financially, the first united bank of feelings has suffered yet another armed robbery. I'm locking up the feelings bank and throwing away the key. No more tokens, no more offerings, nothing to be given without preemptively getting something in return. I guess we live in a world where giving equates to neediness and either I send out the wrong signals (needy) or I actually am (needy). Perhaps I lack the ability to strike a happy medium of give and take, so I'll try my hand at take, take, take for a while and see if that gets me any further.

So get me some crime scene tape and set a perimeter, lock the doors, we're closed for business...

...UnbeSMURFinlievable...

This is the most unbelievable thing I've seen on the internet in...forever. If MSUR were still around, I'd be tripping all overmyself to post this video. It's the epitome of NSFW! (Not safe for work).

This clip is all in spanish and will probably be perceived by many as disgusting. But I implore you to skip ahead to 3 minutes ahead into the video and enjoy the twisted depravity that is the Smurf F*ckfest. Listen with the volume on and try not to be titilated or fall over laughing.

Listen to This

My latest cd compilation, custom made for the mm (alas, still no word on how it was received):

Up All Night - Unwritten Law
Gasoline - Seether
Dead! - My Chemical Romance
Come What(ever) May - Stone Sour
Send the Pain Below - Chevelle
For a Pessimist, I'm Pretty Optimistic - Paramour
Use Somebody - Kings of Leon
Bother - Stone Sour
The Red - Chevelle
Home - Daughtry
Best of You - Foo Fighters
Like a Stone - Audioslave
Fade Away - Seether
No One Knows - Queens of the Stoneage
Blue Veins - Raconteurs


Regardless, I think it rocks...

That Term for a Fate Date

What's that thing called where notable events occur on the same date? There's a word for it, but I can't remember what it is. The term itself is an allusion to something that could possibly be fate but is likely a neat coincidence. I'm positive there has to be a word for this.

Screwy Sleep Schedule

Let me start by saying I've got to stop sleeping in the chair, in my clothes, with the tv on. For starters, it's kind of pathetic, not to mention I'm noticing a connection between the number of times I sleep in said configuration and the number of times I sleep with my makeup on and wearing contact lenses. This whole nocturnal thing may be catching up with me, but I still refuse to let it do so.

Dreams from the Recliner

Slept in the recliner for 11 hours yesterday and had lots of dreams. From the dream dictionary, a random sampling of meanings from said dreams:

Airplane

To dream that a plane crashes, suggests that you have set overly high and unrealistic goals for yourself. Your goals may be too high and are impossible to realize. You are in danger of having it come crashing down. Alternatively, your lack of confidence, self-defeating attitude and self-doubt toward the goals you have set for yourself is represented by the crashing airplane; you do not believe in your ability to attain those goals. Loss of power and uncertainty in achieving your goals are also signified.

Fire

To dream of that you are being burned by fire, indicates that your temper is getting out of control. Some issue or situation is burning you up inside.

Government

To dream of the government, signifies power and the qualities/feelings that rule your life. For example, does greed, lust, or love guide you in how you live? This dream may also reflect your views about society at large.

Tattoo

To dream that you have tattoos, represents individuality and the desire to stand out in a crowd. You want to be unique and different from everybody else, particularly if you do not have any tattoos in real life. Consider also what the tattoo is.

Hotel

To see a hotel in your dream, signifies a new state of mind or a shift in personal identity. You need to move away from your old habits and old way of thinking. Or you feel the need to temporarily escape from your daily life.

Kiss

To dream of a kiss, denotes love, affection, tranquility, harmony, and contentment.If the dream ends just about you are about to kiss someone, indicates that you are unsure of how he or she really feels about you. You are looking for some sort of relationship with this person but you are not sure about how to go about achieving it.

Love

To dream of love of being in love, suggests intense feelings carried over from a waking relationship. It implies happiness and contentment with what you have and where you are in life. On the other hand, you may not be getting enough love in your daily life. We naturally long for the sense to belong and to be accepted. To see a couple in love or expressing love to each other, indicates much success ahead for you.

Amusement Park

To see or be in an amusement park in your dream, indicates that you need to set some time for leisure and more enjoyment in your life. Consider how everything in the park is an expression of some aspect of yourself. Alternatively, you may be too easily distracted lately.

To dream that the amusement park is empty or abandoned, suggests that you need to open yourself to more fun and adventure.

Friend

To see your friends in your dream, signifies aspects of your personality that you have rejected, but are ready to integrate these rejected part of yourself. The relationships you have with those around you are important in learning about yourself. Additionally, this symbol foretells of happy tidings from them and the arrival of good news.

Table

To dream that you are lying on a table, indicates your need for nourishment and relaxation. It relates to health concerns and anxieties about your well-being.

Night

To have a dream that takes place at night, represents some major setbacks and obstacles in achieving your goals. There are some issues in your life that you are facing that are not too clear. You should put the issues aside so you can clear your head before coming back to it. Alternatively, night may be synonymous with death, rebirth and new beginnings.

Autumn

To dream of autumn, indicates that something is about to come to an end and something new will begin. Alternatively the dream is symbolic of the cycle of life.

***These dreams were two parts: in one, it was like I was watching a movie about two government agents and they died in a plane crash and one declared one for the other right before the plane crashed and burst into flames. One lived, the other was obliterated and burned. In the next dream, I was the star along with one of my pregnant girlfriends and it was autumn at a Silver Dollar City-like amusement park and we too turns lying on a table to get matching tattoos. Mine was blue and had vertical bars incorporated into it.***

Vertical

To dream of a vertical line or something that is vertical, symbolizes the spiritual realm and the supernatural.

Blue

Blue represents truth, wisdom, heaven, eternity, devotion, tranquility, loyalty and openness. The presence of this color in your dream, may symbolize your spiritual guide and your optimism of the future. You have clarity of mind.

Where are My Pants?!?

In a bit, I'm going to Kohls to pick up a couple of more pairs of Dockers because my pants have been vanishing. I put them into the laundry and they are never again seen. I've checked all the closets, behind the dryer, and in the closets - no pants. I have a coupon to use too! Better stock up, have to make it through the week.


Creed Bratton is my Hero

I love Creed on the Office. When I grow old, I want to be just like Creed. And somedays right now I feel like I'm 32% of the way there.

Put Your Back into It

I've fuxored my back. It hurts, but I can stand upright now, which is way better than I was doing yesterday. I was actually sent home from work early last night because I couldn't stand upright and was having problems walking. Mama said that I was standing like I had torn something and then later she patted me on the head and told me I was just getting the flu. Finally, just before she went to bed, she freaked out about maybe I have kidney stones and shoved two bottles of water and a warm beer at me. Such are the stages of diagnosis and treatment by Doctor Mom.

I did get a day's worth of excellent sleep filled with strange pain-killer induced dreams. Can barely remember most of them now, but do recall in one of them receiving a magic vending machine that would give me orange soda and the tv channel Showtime. In another dream, I was stocking a boy's bathroom with my toilettries as in said dream I was now spending considerable time at said boy's house. I remember agonizing over the products that I'd put into his shower because I didn't want things to over-chickefy his domain yet I needed my beauty stash to be one that was effective and perhaps something he wouldn't feel emasculated about using should I not be around.

As for products in the waking world, allow me to sing the praises of the Soap & Glory stuff from Target. Right now I've got the Hair Supply conditioner, Scrub of Your Life body scrub, and Clean on Me body wash in my shower. Post shower calls for Righteous Butter Lotion and Girligo moisturizing body spray. By the time I've used all of this, I'm floating through a cloud of peach-bergamont-fresia glory. And even if I'm overly odiferous after this, who cares, I think I'm fabulous.

Random Facts versus In Depth Knowledge

How much do you really have to know about a person to really know them? Sure, there's knowing the facts, the stats, but isn't that like just being able to memorize a formula? I always say that you can memorize the periodic table but that doesn't mean you know chemistry. (Yes, I'm a chemist, can't you tell?) But what's the sum of knowing the random facts? Riddle me this Batman, after how many random facts can you say you're at least getting a good idea? Do the stats, specs, and bits of trivia eventually add up to making you be able to say that you know someone?

Here are 5 facts about me:

1. I wear a size 10 shoe
2. I'm not really left handed (the watch and eating habits fake out a lot of people)
3. I'm a Coke person, not a Pepsi person
4. I was hit by a car at age 11
5. My favorite movie is The 'Burbs

How Not to Woo via Online Dating

I tried the online dating thing again (first time was so that I could go speed dating with Andra) and this foray lasted 6 days. The exchange that prompted my retirement went something like this:

Dude: Want to meet for breakfast? (talking to a fellow 3rd shifter)
Me: Sure, sounds good. Thursday work?
Dude: That'd be good. Could you pick me up from work? I got a DUI and lost my license.
Me: ....

And that hat was hung up and that's it for me. Oh, and the endless barrage of messages from baby daddys and 60-year olds.

Online dating? I'm breaking up with you

1 Bride to Be + 1 Totalled Car = 1 Bachelorette Party Weekend, a Flood of Fun

I went to St. Louis for the weekend to join some gals in sending our friend Kat off into matrimony in style. My contribution to the evening: 6 Litres of wine, some cups and a bottle opener. We set up home in the Hampton Inn down by the Landing and I immediately began stocking the fridge and party-proofing the room (and laying claim to the recliner, sneaky gal I am).

The evening's festivities began with the decoration of the bride to be (veil, check. penis shot glass, check. tshirt of things to do and not to do - do the groom, not the gardener. bake for him, don't cook hamburger helper. check) and the drinking of more wine. Then came our next featured guest - Summer the sex toy sales lady! My purchases - 3 jars of concoctions named "nympho niagra," "x-scream," and "bossom buddies." You can guess what these are supposed to do. You can also guess how much these will get used. You can stop laughing now. Right before intermission time, one of the gals called up one of her friends to share my wisdom that "heat treating makes it hard." See, stuff like this is what happens when you fill a hotel room with female engineers, get them drunk and give them sex toys to play with. You have giggly girls wanting to know the torque of a vibrator and demonstrating the right-hand-rule on a dildo. Seriously - it's good times.

From there we went to The Big Bang for some piano bar awesomeness. Kat got to molest the cute piano players and wear a hard hat. We did shots with lady soldiers and I got to stick my ass into some guy's crotch and relish the drunken joy of being in a place where you can just walk up and grab some random guy's buns, not having to worry about what happens after that and just being able to enjoy the squishy feel of a handful of hot ass. White russians were consumed. After that - Morgan Street Brewery...I don't recall drinking that much but I remember how nice it felt to be outside in the early fall and to be conversing with new people and talking to boys. Went back to the hotel, crashed. Woke up briefly to a pint of guiness being offered to me, but I must be getting old because I just sniffed it and put it on the nightstand, rolled over and went back to sleep.

Sunday morning is when the real excitement started. Kat's phone was ringing and ringing and ringing. When it was finally answered, it was a frantic Christina telling Kat that the storm drain/sewer pipe at her complex had burst and flooded the condos at the bottom of the hill and the visitor's parking lot...where Kat had parked her car. We knew it was bad, but figured it to be a total loss when a short while later, Christina called back to tell us that people were being evacuated and that the windows on Kat's Honda were going up and down and the alarm was going off and lights flashing - the Honda's death rattles.

Kat and I were able to get to the car after the water receded - around 2 pm and it was ugly. A thin film of nasty, sticky mud (shit-mud) coated the ground. It was slick and sticky and horrible but thankfully it did not smell. There was a line of grass clipping, dirt, mud, etc around the honda - just above the door handles. When we opened the car, the leather seats were coated in a thin layer of shit and mud and the cupholders and floorboards were filled with brown water, which thankfully, did not smell. Everything in the car was ruined, save some cds we could salvage. We pulled out anything that could be used to steal her identity, left everything else in the car and pulled off the license plates. And then we set off for the longest and yet non-awkward trip back to Peoria. My heart seriously goes out to Kat for the loss of her car. It's going to be a big next 30 days for her - new husband, new life, new car.

Kat's good people. I hope State Farm is good to her and that she gets a good check for the untimely loss of her car. Despite having to total out a car, it was still a pretty good weekend - she said so, so it must be so. I don't think I'll ever be at another bachelorette party that was so rock and roll. Then again, I have another one coming up in October. Here's hoping that one is dry.

Steward Got Ran Over by a Cushman

I ran over the union steward's foot with a cushman scooter this morning. In fairness to me, it was his fault because as I drove off, he put his foot under the wheel. Another supervisor was on the back of my scooter when it happened. I drove forward, felt the cart go over something and heard Mike, the other supervisor, yelling. Steward was all "Haha! I made you run me over! But I'm wearing steel toed shoes!" and I was all "wtf?!?" This was the same guy that I told to never say 'fuck' in front of me again a few weeks ago. With the exception of putting his foot under my wheel, he's been doing pretty well since then.

Hour by Hour Boards

We keep hour by hour boards on our production... I'm going to occupy myself tonight with keeping hour by hour stats on what I do while working Friday night/Saturday morning:

10:00 pm: Arrive at work one hour early...with minifridge and microwave to help make the office more comfortable. As I said when putting it into place in the corner, "My goals is to make everyone's life better while here."

10:30 pm: Read email, see that I have been invited to a meeting with labor relations first thing (my last thing) Monday morning. Go to "The Dave's" office, hang out with 2nd shift.

11:00 pm: Pop in a cd of tunes to keep me occupied tonight. I call this mix "It's 3am and everyone knows where you are." Includes Foreigner, REM, Clapton, Pink Floyd, Kid Rock, Heart, and Lenny Kravitz. I think it's good times - especially the Foreigner part.

11:04 pm: Walk into the door while leaving the office. Crumple my left hand into my stomach - fortunately my doughy physique shields myself from any major damage.

11:05 pm: Drive around, verify who is present and who is not.

11:10-11:45 pm: Make small talk with various people. Check to make sure the front office didn't flood. Raided the supply cabinet. Bad news is that it still smells like someone hurled in there and then closed the door. Good news is that it's been restocked with medium point pens. Grab some medium point pens and binder clips, check my office mail.

12:00 - 12:35 am: Reformat the weekend overtime posting list and print a copy for the other supervisors working this weekend. Create a cheat sheet of overtime posting codes...the codes for accessing the overtime sheets, not the codes for how to code the overtime. Chew a piece of pomegranite gum (which is good, but dissolves into goo after 10 minutes) and refill my diet coke.

12:35 - 1:00 am: Check facebook, clean up my overtime files and review some standard work documents.

1:15 am: Try to retrieve my desk nameplate from under my desk drawer, papercut my right wrist open. Recall cruel irony of having once said "I wish she'd papercut her wrists on her terrible poetry and quit effing everyone elses' boyfriends." (A few of you know which oh-so-emo , oh-so-tortured town bicycle I was referring to here...I guess Milwaukee really is where old whores go to retire.)

1:35 am: Decide to start blogging from work...

2:00 - 2:25 am: Decide to inventory rough stock. Notice an inside out, discarded rubber glove at the bottom of the steps. Stop and reflect on how nasty the handrails look, make mental note to clean them later. Make 3 complete laps around the shop, power-walking style.

2:30 am: Complete a safety score card and enjoy a packet of peanut M&Ms.

2:50 am - 3:40 am: Walk around the shop some more; attempt to get a cup of coffee but realize the vending machine is not working. Recall one of the operators telling me that particular coffee vending machine does not work. Walk 2 more laps around the shop and then return to my office. Pop in the Elizabethtown soundtrack. Write some goals for my quarterly review. Complete an online lesson about kanban. Notice I scratched up my left arm pretty good while digging for my nameplate earlier.

3:45 - 5:00 am: Complete more online learning courses. Print out inventory sheets. Gather safety observation cards

5:00 - 6:30 am: Climb up racks to check part numbers and quantities for rough stock inventory. Return to office and check upcoming work orders to see what can be shipped back to the rough yard areas. Type up an evening summary for shift hand off.

Now: Update this blog post. Drink another diet coke. Get ready to go home.

You Never Boil Me Pasta Anymore

Today is the first time in almost 4 years that I can remember making spaghetti. I find it hard to believe that I could go so long without boiling spaghetti noodles, but aside from this morning, the only time I can distinctly recall doing so was back in the day.

In other news, I wore my hair down last night because it's finally cooling off. One of my operators asked me if I had a date before work and the 3 of the shop ladies give my hair do the thumbs up. My fellow supervisors noticed that I wasn't rocking my usual ponytail and glasses combo too.

I guess the John Hughes movies were right - you can make a huge impression by ditching the ponytail and glasses.

BTW - I ditched the glasses because they literally fell apart last night. I jokingly said that I had seen something so awful that it broke my glasses. Truth be told, they came apart as I was pulling them off my face.

And as the epilogue to the guy that stole ice cream from the cafeteria last week...he brought his paystub to me last night saying he had been shorted 8 hours of pay. I took it to the time keeper and it turned out he was paid time and a half for 12 hours instead of straight time for 8 and time and a half for 4 one evening. When the time keeper corrects this, it will deduct money from his paycheck. Cruel irony or karmic retribution for the ice cream? My boss said I should tell him that the ice cream was deducted from his pay...I think I'll pass on that.

Simple, Afterall

Tonight, I stayed up late tonight and drank a lot of coffee. I enjoyed the silence of Wal-Mart after 12:30 am and considered buying a beta-fish, which I would have named "Monster." I drove around the country, looking at the stars out the moon roof and listening to southern rock. I watched Elizabethtown and got all teary-eyed/homesick the same way I did the first, and only other time I saw it a couple of years ago. And then I sat in the recliner and thought about all I really want right now is a place in the country and an old hounddog and maybe a glass of makers on the rocks. And then I opened up my computer and posted this. And now, I'm going to sleep.