The Day It Became Serious

This week I realized that it's possible for people to die in my building. On my watch. To die. While working.

You work in a place long enough and not only do you know everyone, you know about them. You know where they went to school. You know the town in which they live. You know about their families. After a while you even know names and ages of children, wedding anniversaries, and the things that families go through. Sometime around then is when attachment begins to set in. Attachment is great; it builds rapport. Mutually, it makes working in a place easier because somewhere in all of that, trust is developed. Trust that I'll do a good job. Trust in others that they'll do a good job. Trust is just an all around good thing.

Attachment, in the sense that you care for people as human beings, can be bad. This is the week I realized the pitfall of having a story to go along with the names and faces in the accident reports. It was never just about the injury frequencies, the cost or the numbers. But today, it set in that it's about more than that.

If you count being in the car in the parking lot as being 'at work,' then I cried at work for the first time today. No heavy sobbing or hicupping, but plenty of pink and tear stained cheeks, rolling down uncontrollably as I drove home this evening. I looked at two head wounds today and I was fine. But on my way out to the car, I was talking to a coworker (the coworker) and in the back of my mind, I started wondering about 'what ifs.' 'What if it had been you?' 'What if the people had died?' 'What if you had died?' I thought as I wished him a good evening. It was close enough. I know the impact of an individual meeting their fate. I know who it is or isn't doesn't lessen the effect. But at the exact moment, I realized how serious all of this is and how dangerous work can be and how even though I do as much as I can in a day to keep things right that sometimes they just aren't. And I realized that I genuinely care about people. And I realized that even though I do what I can that someday it will not be enough.

Trying to pass it off as uncomfortable humor, I wished my coworker a good evening and drove up the hill with wet cheeks. I suppose this too comes along with the territory.

280 Pounds of Sand

That's the equivalent of 4 tubes of sand, you know.

There were flurries today, a lot of them. I long for the accumulation of snow. I also long to see sunlight.

"I've not seen the sun shine since...I don't know when. I'm stuck in Folsom Prison..."
I chant this as I walk into work, pre-dawn. I chant this as I walk to my car, post-dusk.

I rediscovered another person who does something similar and I fell in love all over again. And with all this similarity, I still stay rational and not that giddy. Clarity. Go figure.

I got to yell at people today, but that doesn't necessarily mean that I did. Well, I couldn't actually. I've discovered that there's something going on with me that keeps me from yelling. When forcing as much air through the lungs as possible, very little sound comes out. I've lost my outdoor voice. I do, however, now have a whistle. So what if I can't yell at people? I'll just blow at them very loudly!

...that didn't sound right, did it?

My Parents Were Banned from a Theater and Other Funny 'Cause They're True Stories

The folks are no longer welcome at the theater in Centralia, Illinois. The popcorn boy sassed my mother and she went special ed-behavior disorders teacher on his ass. The manager was involved somehow and until I get more details tomorrow afternoon, all I know is that they can't go back. My family is awesome.

So tomorrow I go home, where I'll spend time with Grandpa! and gorge myself on free-range organic, amish turkey. I learned how to kill a turkey yesterday. Actually, it was explained to me. Some of the guys in the shop were explaining that I could "go at its neck with a hatchet" or "step on the body and pull off the head." They told me that a lot of people just can't go through with killing birds though all food has to come from somewhere. However, I've been labeled as the kind of lady that can yank the head off a turkey. And even though I'm not so sure if I should be proud, I kind of am.

Last night I discovered the wonder that is "All You Can Eat Spaghetti Night" at Avantis. I was also pegged as a person who 'doesn't act like' she's 24. Once again - should I be proud? How does a 24 year old act? How do you think a 24 year old is supposed to act? But then we went to Target and I bought a slinky. I also got a tube of toothpaste, a new toothbrush, some disinfectant cleaner wipes, and some toilet paper. "You know it works because it has bears on it," I explained to Nicole. It's been so long since I've shopped with a friend that it's a chore to slow down and actually shop rather than obtain. But really, the deal with pasta night at Avanti's is quite awesome. I'm adding it to the list of places to go on Monday. Monday is apparently value food night in Peoria.

I saw Walk the Line on Friday. It's a good movie. It has that sheen of a bio-pic, but the rebel rousing of the greats back in the day is a wonderful thing to see played out onscreen. I miss those days and I never even lived in them. Put a can of Murray's on the radiator and grab me a comb, I'm feeling nostalgic.

So...Very...Cold

Thirteen degrees. That's nineteen degrees below freezing and thirteen away from zero. Baby it's cold outside.

Last night I impulse bought a two scarfs, a hat, and some gloves. I almost got a coat but one of the Target associates pointed out that the collar looked a bit large. I did, afterall, solicit her opinion and by golly, she was right. I only wear one scarf at a time, the second one came as part of a set. After doing the math, I realized I could get a scarf, hat, and gloves for the same price as just a scarf and some gloves or a scarf and a hat or for $2 more than just a hat and some gloves. I got the second scarf because it looks like the Dolce and Gabana one I've wanted since 2002. Now, let it be said that I never wanted one that was actually D&G - just one that looked like it. I consider paying $300 for a scarf to be quite vulgar. Even if I had a million dollars, I'd still shop at Target.

It's been blowing snow all day as well. By the time I made it across "campus" to the building where I typically eat lunch, I was covered in a thin layer of snowflakes. My awesome lunch of tomato soup and Coke Zero fixed that nicely. Let it be stated for the record that Coke Zero > Diet Coke. It tastes more like Coca Cola Classic but doesn't have sugar. These days I loathe sugar nearly as much as I loathe gravity.

And I don't care none too much for gravity. Or Pepsi. Especially Diet Pepsi. A lot of people drink Pepsi up here. Damned northerners. (pot.kettle.me.)

As I was leaving work sometime around 6 tonight (as what's a good day of work if I get to see the sun at a time other than my lunchbreak?), I was offered a bowl of chilli. Three bites in, I was informed it was deer chilli. Unphased, I imformed the chef that "critter fries" used to be held at my old high school, where everyone brings in squirrel, possum, deer, snake, rabbit, (or anything else that lives in the woods) and tosses it in the fry-daddy. Better go grab some dye - my dirty southern illinois roots are showing.

A Brief Conversation about Florida

"How was Florida."
"It was good times. Though if you don't come back xenophobic and slightly afraid of crowds, you haven't experienced all the tourism that state has to offer."
"What's a xenophobe?"
"One who fears foreigners."
"..."
"..."
"HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"


Did I mention I went to a Three Dog Night concert while down there. They didn't play "Old Fashioned Love Song," but their rendition of "One" more than made up for it.

Jeremiah was a bullfrog,

KD

It's Just That Simple

I'm not afraid of many things in this world, but tonight I realized what a baby I can be when it comes to flying.

As the tiny little jet I was riding in made a sudden dip somewhere in the skies over Northern Illinois, I could feel hot tears spring to my eyes and a list of people I wanted to call during my too-long layover in Chicago. I was somewhere through the s' (alphabetically and all) when my thoughts were jolted along with the plane as it dipped to the left, turning to make its ascent. Prior to departure, the crew was trying to lure several passengers into giving up their seats due to "weight restriction" and I wanted to mentally kick myself for having "traded my life for $250 in flight vouchers, a free dinner, and a bus ride to Peoria." But I couldn't. All I could do was sit there with a blank mind, grabbing my mother's leg, and periodically muttering "holy shit" with each little dip and shake of the plane. That, and wondering just where in the heck we were because I'm the kind of person that *has* to know which cornfield she's going to land in. It can be such a small world that there's a good chance I'd know the owner.

Obviously the plane made it back to Peoria.

But Florida Was Lovely and I could pack up and move there. Like...tomorrow. There are mosquitos there. I wanted to move 'someplace nice where there ain't no mosquitoes at' and Florida only hits 50% of that criteria. Damn mosquitoes - I smashed one against the side of my face last night waiting for a bus and it splurted blood on the right side of my face. And since I was out and about without as much as a water fountain to use for clean up, I was given the only cleansing cloth to be had at that bus station: a feminine cleansing cloth. It more or less fit the definition of what I needed, having that not-so-fresh feeling and all...

I did it all Disney-style. Magic Kingdom. Epcot. MGM.

It was actually Soap Star Weekend at MGM, which meant that the park was overran with housewives and school girls, starry-eyed at the prospect of waiting in an obscenely long line to have a picture signed by their favorite actor/actress. This didn't phase me - I'm actually wellversed in the annual "Days Fest" downstate at Salem. Not so much the celebration as cursing at the traffic, etc. But well-versed in it, nevertheless. This actually worked in our favor as practically everyone in the park was there to see the soapstars and not ride the rides. Five minute wait for Star Tours ??? HECK YEAH!!!

The best part of MGM was a car stunt show called Lights, Motors, Action - which featured a 6 car chase on a soundstage, explosions, and an explanation of how the stunt cars were built. I can tell that some of work is rubbing off on me when I got incredibly excited that they popped the hood and started giving specs on what's under there. I'd tell you, but that'd ruin the movie magic, don't you think?

I'm Going to Florida

Be back sometime next week...

Ohio! Ohio! A Recap in Depth for Allison

Dear Allimon,

(This blog entry is for you.)

I dug Ohio. If I had to do it over, I would have stopped at King's Island and eaten blue ice cream and let the Beast have its way with me over and over. (But alas, Kings Island was closed).

Columbus is nice. It doesn't really feel like a college town, but OSU must be the largest thing there. The place is huge and gave me a newfound appreciation for going to a school where it was feasible to walk anywhere in 10 minutes or less. But head north of town on 71 and you're in the fancy part of town. For some reasons, I thought of the movie Heathers a lot while up there. I bet Sherwood, Ohio (if it were real) would have been somewhere north of Columbus.

I stayed downtown, amidst all the tall buildings and (come night fall) clean yet vacant streets. My first night there, I drove north on Broad street until I saw a strip mall that contained Billy Lee's Fine Chinese Cuisine, a place with good almond chicken and a cozy little bar in front. Dinner on the corporate car and a $5 on the counter for the beer and I sat in a red velvet chair that leaned way back, drinking and learning all about what to see from Billy Lee himself. I asked about OSU and he said "Why you want to see that? There not much there." Turns out, it was both quite an understatement and somewhat true all at the same time.

My room had a soft, blue recliner. Whenever I check into a hotel room, one of the first things I'll do is unpack - hanging my clothes in the closet and arranging my bottles of product on the counter. Oddly enough, when I stay multiple nights, the last thing I do before leaving the room in the morning is to put everything in the closet. Out of sight, out of mind...or what if I have to leave in a hurray? I ate all of my meals in that blue chair.

The bed was large enough to accomodate three full grown adults. I made it a point to sleep in the middle of the bed each night. For some reason, I was really wishing I had taken some porn with me. What is it about traveling and porn that goes hand in hand? Where is the association? I started and didn't finish about five letters.

Training was informative. The segment on modeling and gas dispersion alone made the whole thing worthwhile. I could go on and on about how chemicals move in air and the methods for sampling and using a standard analytical error to mathematically show results to be accurate to a degree admissible in court. But I think you'd be more apt to appreciate me telling you about having breakfast with a lady that works for John Deere and Canadian Christine and I's run-in with a drunken businessman. He wanted us to go with him to a party. You want to bet it was in his pants?

I sat next to a diabetic Christian from Oklahoma. He was awesome and had this multi-cup system set up in front of him that kept him supplied with a continuous flow of iced tea. I was literally the only person in that class that liked flavored teas. On my last day there, I had lunch with three other people, but the only one I can remember is Todd, Murray State graduate and native son of Paris, TN. The other two days, I had powernaps and leftover Chinese and California Pizza Kitchen (pear and gorgonzola) for lunch. I wore Pony Polo Shirts every day of the training as when I'm out and about, every day is "Fratty Friday."

I went to the Sephora on Polaris Parkway two nights in a row and spent entirely too much time in there painting myself with glittery makeup and spraying myself with perfumes. Monday evening I ran into one of the ladies in training, and even though we spent some time visiting that morning, she treated me like a weirdo-stranger when I (dared to) spoke to her. People are strange. I think the Sephora ladies would have given me a job on the spot. I left with a Lip Venom gloss, Bliss Fabulous Foaming Face Wash and Jonathan Product shampoo instead. I took Canadian Christine there on Tuesday. She stocked up on Benefit products. They don't sell Benetint in Canada. We bonded over our love of makeup and over once having a crush on Steven Page. I never got her card before leaving Ohio, but she has mine.

An Industrial Hygienist from the Los Alamos Nuclear Labs gave me his business card and said to me "You married? You can relocate! We have mountains! You go climbing?" I still have that card and look at it from time to time. Yes I could relocate...

I felt bummed to leave Columbus. I felt excited to be in Cincinatti. I felt relieved to be in Kentucky. University of Cincinatti has a good program. I don't know where I'll be in a few years, but Cincinatti wouldn't be that bad. WKRP or not. When I was 3, I wanted to be just like Johnny Fever.

That was Ohio. I'm glad I went.