Ohio! Ohio! A Recap in Depth for Allison

Dear Allimon,

(This blog entry is for you.)

I dug Ohio. If I had to do it over, I would have stopped at King's Island and eaten blue ice cream and let the Beast have its way with me over and over. (But alas, Kings Island was closed).

Columbus is nice. It doesn't really feel like a college town, but OSU must be the largest thing there. The place is huge and gave me a newfound appreciation for going to a school where it was feasible to walk anywhere in 10 minutes or less. But head north of town on 71 and you're in the fancy part of town. For some reasons, I thought of the movie Heathers a lot while up there. I bet Sherwood, Ohio (if it were real) would have been somewhere north of Columbus.

I stayed downtown, amidst all the tall buildings and (come night fall) clean yet vacant streets. My first night there, I drove north on Broad street until I saw a strip mall that contained Billy Lee's Fine Chinese Cuisine, a place with good almond chicken and a cozy little bar in front. Dinner on the corporate car and a $5 on the counter for the beer and I sat in a red velvet chair that leaned way back, drinking and learning all about what to see from Billy Lee himself. I asked about OSU and he said "Why you want to see that? There not much there." Turns out, it was both quite an understatement and somewhat true all at the same time.

My room had a soft, blue recliner. Whenever I check into a hotel room, one of the first things I'll do is unpack - hanging my clothes in the closet and arranging my bottles of product on the counter. Oddly enough, when I stay multiple nights, the last thing I do before leaving the room in the morning is to put everything in the closet. Out of sight, out of mind...or what if I have to leave in a hurray? I ate all of my meals in that blue chair.

The bed was large enough to accomodate three full grown adults. I made it a point to sleep in the middle of the bed each night. For some reason, I was really wishing I had taken some porn with me. What is it about traveling and porn that goes hand in hand? Where is the association? I started and didn't finish about five letters.

Training was informative. The segment on modeling and gas dispersion alone made the whole thing worthwhile. I could go on and on about how chemicals move in air and the methods for sampling and using a standard analytical error to mathematically show results to be accurate to a degree admissible in court. But I think you'd be more apt to appreciate me telling you about having breakfast with a lady that works for John Deere and Canadian Christine and I's run-in with a drunken businessman. He wanted us to go with him to a party. You want to bet it was in his pants?

I sat next to a diabetic Christian from Oklahoma. He was awesome and had this multi-cup system set up in front of him that kept him supplied with a continuous flow of iced tea. I was literally the only person in that class that liked flavored teas. On my last day there, I had lunch with three other people, but the only one I can remember is Todd, Murray State graduate and native son of Paris, TN. The other two days, I had powernaps and leftover Chinese and California Pizza Kitchen (pear and gorgonzola) for lunch. I wore Pony Polo Shirts every day of the training as when I'm out and about, every day is "Fratty Friday."

I went to the Sephora on Polaris Parkway two nights in a row and spent entirely too much time in there painting myself with glittery makeup and spraying myself with perfumes. Monday evening I ran into one of the ladies in training, and even though we spent some time visiting that morning, she treated me like a weirdo-stranger when I (dared to) spoke to her. People are strange. I think the Sephora ladies would have given me a job on the spot. I left with a Lip Venom gloss, Bliss Fabulous Foaming Face Wash and Jonathan Product shampoo instead. I took Canadian Christine there on Tuesday. She stocked up on Benefit products. They don't sell Benetint in Canada. We bonded over our love of makeup and over once having a crush on Steven Page. I never got her card before leaving Ohio, but she has mine.

An Industrial Hygienist from the Los Alamos Nuclear Labs gave me his business card and said to me "You married? You can relocate! We have mountains! You go climbing?" I still have that card and look at it from time to time. Yes I could relocate...

I felt bummed to leave Columbus. I felt excited to be in Cincinatti. I felt relieved to be in Kentucky. University of Cincinatti has a good program. I don't know where I'll be in a few years, but Cincinatti wouldn't be that bad. WKRP or not. When I was 3, I wanted to be just like Johnny Fever.

That was Ohio. I'm glad I went.