Things to Consider...

I picked up that Jenny Lewis and the Watson Twins cd this afternoon. I'm three tracks in and it's quite lovely. In the late 80s, I had grown accustomed to Jenny Lewis as that awesome girl who woo'd Fred Savage in The Wizard, but man was it a pleasant surprise to have her clear, sweet voice woo me through the speakers. Very country flavored and that appeals to me.

And when not receiving eargasms ala Jenny Lewis, I've been pondering the concept of "punishment." I fear what started as extreme effort of putting on a brave face and using my wounding wit to form a shield from all that causes me to not sleep and ache in the belly is out of control. It's self defense, that urge to make someone else feel as insignificant as they made you feel, turned destructive force. But what's one to do when the urge to attempt to inflict emotional punishment becomes this out of control monster. My brain is practically screaming an invite for reconnection but my mouth says such flippant, rude things. Things that I used to think as joking, but can't anymore when I can hear the daggers in my voice. How do we learn to stop stabbing when it feels so much better to hug? This is me being introspective about how caring isn't a sign of weakness and how I just want to say sorry for being such an axe wound and that I miss people. Especially the ones in my own back yard. Or front yard, depending on which direction you are facing.

And when not receiving eargasms or being introspective about people over yonder, I'm hung up on wines lately. Went to Jonah's this afternoon to help with a blind date. I just happened to "run into" a friend over drinks and a plate of shrimp an hour before she waited to meet Mr. Mystery Man. Should hear more about this tomorrow. Speaking of meeting mystery men, the days until Speed Dating are counting down fast. I used to joke about it being a chance to be rejected by 15 guys in 2 hours rather than one slowly and painfully over the course of a few months. Mom said that I should view it as a chance to choose from 15 guys over 2 hours...and that I need to quit being such a negative nancy. So I'm picking out outfits and deciding on a drink and trying to figure out where to get a bell I can bring when I want them to bring me a new fellow.

I survived August 22nd. Someone shat in the floor at work today. I've lost 2.7 pounds since Thursday. Pinot grigio is good wine. And that's all I have to say about today.