"Don't Forget Your Penis Cream"
American Pie 2 is on USA right now and as I'm still amped up from the drive back to Peoria and my shoulder is burning wicked bad, I have no choice but to wait for the yummy Japanese noodle soup and Tylenol PM to kick in so that I can sleep a bit before kicking off the last full week of March (marzo, en espanol).
While watching this, I've come to the conclusion that "Jim's Dad," as played by Eugene Levy, is one of the coolest dads in tv/movie history. Just watch the scene where Jim's in the hospital after supergluing his hand to um, himself, and Jim's dad is asking the doctor how to speed up the healing process as European hottie Nadia will be coming to town. Great scene.
Monday, March 24, 2008
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Bad Car-ma
I started my Monday morning by having my brakes go out. Now, let's just stop for a second so I can clarify that the brake fluid didn't actually start shooting out until after I had stopped the car and was in the process of examining the tire. Let me tell you - nothing stinks like boiling brake fluid. It smells like a turbo fire but way worse and I kept smelling it in my hair for the rest of the day. But the fact of the matter is, boiling brake fluid coming out of the wheel == muy muy mal (that's very, very bad to all you hombres not down with the espanol). And after this, I experienced a first: having to have a car towed.
Cut to 36 hours of hitchhiking (kidding!) around Peoria later and I'm cruising off the lot, rocking a new set of brake pads and drums and feeling good about the world. Hop, skip, jump to 4 hours later and I'm prepping my car to be towed back to the dealership tomorrow. This new set of pads and drums lasted me a whopping 25 miles! The lovely sound of "metal-to-metal" was my soundtrack for the last 1.5 miles home.
And wouldn't you know, I paid the damn thing off on the 8th.
I started my Monday morning by having my brakes go out. Now, let's just stop for a second so I can clarify that the brake fluid didn't actually start shooting out until after I had stopped the car and was in the process of examining the tire. Let me tell you - nothing stinks like boiling brake fluid. It smells like a turbo fire but way worse and I kept smelling it in my hair for the rest of the day. But the fact of the matter is, boiling brake fluid coming out of the wheel == muy muy mal (that's very, very bad to all you hombres not down with the espanol). And after this, I experienced a first: having to have a car towed.
Cut to 36 hours of hitchhiking (kidding!) around Peoria later and I'm cruising off the lot, rocking a new set of brake pads and drums and feeling good about the world. Hop, skip, jump to 4 hours later and I'm prepping my car to be towed back to the dealership tomorrow. This new set of pads and drums lasted me a whopping 25 miles! The lovely sound of "metal-to-metal" was my soundtrack for the last 1.5 miles home.
And wouldn't you know, I paid the damn thing off on the 8th.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Another Way to Achieve Clarity
Some people meditate for days or go on fasts. Others run in marathons or take large quantities of magic mushrooms.
I've puked my guts out for the past couple of days. Either it's the stomach flu or the large amounts of Firehouse pizza I gorged on Monday night. Regardless of origin, when you're ill and have time on your hands (absense from work...I just didn't want to make a bad impression all over anyone) to do some thinking. So, I've spent my time thinking of...
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! Seriously, I've sat on my duff and watched the History channel and Amazing Videos on Spike TV. Large amounts of CNN sportszone, afternoon news, and of course, my beloved guilty pleasure the TODAY SHOW. I've eaten jello and saltines and started drinking regular (Sprite) soda again, and taken naps during the day. Granted, I've yakety yak yak yaked, but I'm actually in pretty high spirits. It's so nice to just shut off my brain and concentrate on the simple things in life, like sunning myself in the window and concentrating on not sharting when I sneeze. Yes, GI ailments are an awful, awful thing. But sometimes they give you the time off that one so desparately needs.
Some people meditate for days or go on fasts. Others run in marathons or take large quantities of magic mushrooms.
I've puked my guts out for the past couple of days. Either it's the stomach flu or the large amounts of Firehouse pizza I gorged on Monday night. Regardless of origin, when you're ill and have time on your hands (absense from work...I just didn't want to make a bad impression all over anyone) to do some thinking. So, I've spent my time thinking of...
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! Seriously, I've sat on my duff and watched the History channel and Amazing Videos on Spike TV. Large amounts of CNN sportszone, afternoon news, and of course, my beloved guilty pleasure the TODAY SHOW. I've eaten jello and saltines and started drinking regular (Sprite) soda again, and taken naps during the day. Granted, I've yakety yak yak yaked, but I'm actually in pretty high spirits. It's so nice to just shut off my brain and concentrate on the simple things in life, like sunning myself in the window and concentrating on not sharting when I sneeze. Yes, GI ailments are an awful, awful thing. But sometimes they give you the time off that one so desparately needs.
Monday, March 03, 2008
Rainy Days can be Lovely Days
Greetings from the lobby of the Hampton Inn in Murray, KY. I'm finishing up some stuff for work before departing to meet with some friends and then be on the road again. I'm going to be driving through some interesting weather: rainstorms, ice, sleet, wind, and snow. Bring it on! Have tunes and will travel (2 new Cat Power cds and a Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds set from my trip to Terrapin Station), though I could easily pick up the soundtrack to Natural Born Killers after last night's viewing at the Curris Center. I actually wasn't overly disturbed by that film, but all of the green screen was really starting to mess with my head.
I'm actually going to drive as long as I can with the windows cracked to indulge in as much fresh air as possible. I love a good rainy day every now and then - it washes everything clean and gives a nice gloss to the world. Even driving in it doesn't bother me that much, just need to take it easy and watch out for the other guy.
I think I'll take things nice and easy (steady!) for the remainder of the week. Nothing that I can think of in the immediate requiring quick action or anything less than calm and deliberate behavior. This weekend was much needed.
Greetings from the lobby of the Hampton Inn in Murray, KY. I'm finishing up some stuff for work before departing to meet with some friends and then be on the road again. I'm going to be driving through some interesting weather: rainstorms, ice, sleet, wind, and snow. Bring it on! Have tunes and will travel (2 new Cat Power cds and a Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds set from my trip to Terrapin Station), though I could easily pick up the soundtrack to Natural Born Killers after last night's viewing at the Curris Center. I actually wasn't overly disturbed by that film, but all of the green screen was really starting to mess with my head.
I'm actually going to drive as long as I can with the windows cracked to indulge in as much fresh air as possible. I love a good rainy day every now and then - it washes everything clean and gives a nice gloss to the world. Even driving in it doesn't bother me that much, just need to take it easy and watch out for the other guy.
I think I'll take things nice and easy (steady!) for the remainder of the week. Nothing that I can think of in the immediate requiring quick action or anything less than calm and deliberate behavior. This weekend was much needed.
Sunday, March 02, 2008
The Anti-Suicide Note...or Why I'll Still be Breathing Tomorrow
So tonight, I was talking to my dear friend, Gibson, about how awesome my life is going right now and he inquired if I'd 'be okay' tonight. I assured him that my belt was for keeping my pants up, the window of my room does not open, and I no longer wear shoes with laces. But it got me thinking - if I were to kill myself, what would I put in the note.
Think about it - it's the last thing I'd ever write..man, now that's pressure! What if something is misspelled or I misuse the word 'myriad.' Maybe I confuse my active and passive verbs or throw in some word/phrase that has been made up and while common knowledge among my inner-circle, people misread me being 'owned by life' and think I offed myself because for financial reasons and horrible rumors start about me that I am unable to defend myself against because I have offered myself up as worm food.
Don't even get me started about having my burial arrangments being picked out for me. Mother has already purchased plots for the whole family in tiny little lake town, which is the last place on Earth where I want my remains to rest. She'll also pick out some horrid pink outfit for me and do something weird to my new bangs. Just the thought of spending eternity in Illinois, wearing mall hair and an Olan-Mills-worthy outfit is enough to make me want to live to fight one more day.
Final reason why I'm not going to kill myself tonight: the expulsion of the bowels upon expiration. Those who have seen South Park know what I'm talking about. Simply and crudely put, you shit yourself when you die. And if I'm going to be found with pants full of poo, it's not going to be at an age where I should know better or have been able to control myself.
In summation, you're going to see me tomorrow. I'll be up and wandering the streets before hopping back in the Canyonero 2.0 and trekking back to Peoria, frozen tundra that smells like beer. Granted, for all practical purposes, I'm homeless and I'm extremely heart broken, but I still have 2 job interview this week. I have to go make my mother proud because to her, the measure of one's success is not the worth they see in their own life (and right now it's just barely enough to not go suck on a tailpipe, but at least that's a start) and their level of happiness (though it makes me smirk a bit that there are people out there who care enough to not help me further emotionally destory myself) but rather what they can achieve. And let me tell you - those Little Lebowski Urban Achievers have nothing on this gal.
What did you achieve today? If you see me, you'll know what I achieved. Congratulate me - I dare you.
So tonight, I was talking to my dear friend, Gibson, about how awesome my life is going right now and he inquired if I'd 'be okay' tonight. I assured him that my belt was for keeping my pants up, the window of my room does not open, and I no longer wear shoes with laces. But it got me thinking - if I were to kill myself, what would I put in the note.
Think about it - it's the last thing I'd ever write..man, now that's pressure! What if something is misspelled or I misuse the word 'myriad.' Maybe I confuse my active and passive verbs or throw in some word/phrase that has been made up and while common knowledge among my inner-circle, people misread me being 'owned by life' and think I offed myself because for financial reasons and horrible rumors start about me that I am unable to defend myself against because I have offered myself up as worm food.
Don't even get me started about having my burial arrangments being picked out for me. Mother has already purchased plots for the whole family in tiny little lake town, which is the last place on Earth where I want my remains to rest. She'll also pick out some horrid pink outfit for me and do something weird to my new bangs. Just the thought of spending eternity in Illinois, wearing mall hair and an Olan-Mills-worthy outfit is enough to make me want to live to fight one more day.
Final reason why I'm not going to kill myself tonight: the expulsion of the bowels upon expiration. Those who have seen South Park know what I'm talking about. Simply and crudely put, you shit yourself when you die. And if I'm going to be found with pants full of poo, it's not going to be at an age where I should know better or have been able to control myself.
In summation, you're going to see me tomorrow. I'll be up and wandering the streets before hopping back in the Canyonero 2.0 and trekking back to Peoria, frozen tundra that smells like beer. Granted, for all practical purposes, I'm homeless and I'm extremely heart broken, but I still have 2 job interview this week. I have to go make my mother proud because to her, the measure of one's success is not the worth they see in their own life (and right now it's just barely enough to not go suck on a tailpipe, but at least that's a start) and their level of happiness (though it makes me smirk a bit that there are people out there who care enough to not help me further emotionally destory myself) but rather what they can achieve. And let me tell you - those Little Lebowski Urban Achievers have nothing on this gal.
What did you achieve today? If you see me, you'll know what I achieved. Congratulate me - I dare you.
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