Free?

Feeling incredibly tied down today and I just want to run out the door and escape. Free from school work, free from duties and obligations, free from worry, free from all things. Free from illness, free from guilt, free from worrying that if I upset someone or don't do everything right, they will literally die. I'm guilt ridden right now because I didn't drop everything and go running across town. I'm thinking about getting a place for just myself to live next year because I miss having my own life. I miss having a place to myself and a space in this world just for me-where only I step foot. I miss sleeping in the middle of the bed. The purpose of me spending $80 on a really nice mini-fridge has been circumvented. If I get a house, I'll never have a piece of this world that is just mine again, I'll forever be longing for space just to myself. I'm too young for all of this and I'm afriad the novelty has worn off...I want to pack a bag and just leave for the weekend. I want to go home. I want to move away.

Unwanted

I'm also feeling incredibly unwanted and excluded right now. Perhaps if I hadn't lost myself and been absorbed by someone else, this situation would be different. Perhaps if I weren't a girl, I'd fit in just fine. I'm living outside my realm and am about to finally be smacked by that.

More Guilt

I feel guilty for having thought all of this. I just want to get away. Please don't read this and fall to the floor and die.